You may now kiss my ring.
This is a momentous occasion in American history, according to the esteemed junior Senator from Texas. That's because he, Ted Cruz, aka "Mister Modest", "Scuz"*, and "Teddy the Turd"** (hereinafter referred to in polite company as simply "TT"), has announced his candidacy for President of the United States of America.
On a social media message today he asked us to look at his record, proving he's the one-and-only true conservative that can lead us to the Promised Land. He's not a poser, he says, but a true conservative's conservative. Go ahead, look at his record. See for yourself.
In the interest of political enlightenment I have compiled here his complete two-year record of Congressional accomplishment:
There you have it. So if you want more TT (and there's plenty more where this came from), your time has come. Oh joy!
* Late night talk show hosts, feel free to use this.
** Late night talk show hosts, feel free to use this.