Adventures at the grocery store

For years I've done the family's grocery shopping.  I have a system:  I made a map of the store and where almost everything we regularly buy is located.  I keep a list handy and just circle what we need from the store, then go right to it as I know where it is.  Wham, Bam!  Thirty minutes, out the door. 

It worked great....until K entered my life.  She's found a way to subvert my Grand Plan. Here's what she does....she puts on the list something like "X brand Low Calorie" salad dressing.  But when I try to find it on the shelf I find there's no such thing.  There's X brand "Fat Free" and X brand "No Calorie", but no "Low Calorie".  There is, however, a Y brand "Low Calorie".  So what's more important, the brand or the caloric content?  

Thank God for cell phones.  I would just let her do the shopping, but she's a dangerously compulsive shopper.  "Oh look!  Chocolate covered kumquats on a stick!"  When she goes with me our bill goes through the roof.  No, I'm a one-man grocery shopper.

Here's how it went yesterday:

Under "bath soap" she requested "Liquid Dial soap vanilla".  After 10 minutes of looking at every brand, every fragrance on every shelf I finally threw in the towel and called her.  

Ring....ring...."I can't find it.  What's your second choice?"

"No, they have it.  You've bought it there before.  Keep looking."

After another 10 minutes I called her back and told her what her choices were, besides vanilla.

"Mango?"

"No."

"Green Apple?"

"No."

"Lavender?"

"No.  Keep looking."

Grrrrr!

Finally I called her with a long shot...."They have Dial Yogurt (and then in very small letters underneath) "vanilla honey".  Could that be it?"

"YES!  That's it."

"Why didn't you just say that on the list?"

"I dunno."

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She wanted orange juice in the "large plastic bottle".  OK, they had Minute Maid, Tropicana, Simply Orange, and a couple of others, all in large plastic bottles.

*I think it looked like this....no this one looks more like it....no....*

Ring....ring...."Which brand....Minute Maid, Tropicana...."

"Simply Orange"

"Then why didn't you just say Simply Orange on the list?"

"I dunno."

*Let's see...."low pulp", "no pulp", "extra pulp", "pulp fortified with vitamin D(?)"*

Ring....ring...."What kind of pulp?"

"Extra pulp"

"Why didn't you just say that on the list?"

"I dunno."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, ice cream.  She wanted "Breyers drumstick".  Surprise....I couldn't find it.

Ring....ring...."They only have Drumstick brand drumsticks.  What's your second choice?"

"No, silly.  It isn't a "drumstick" drumstick.  It's drumstick flavored ice cream in a container."

"Why didn't you just say that on the list?"

"I dunno."

Ten minutes later....ring....ring...."They don't have it.  They have Snickers flavored, Butterfinger flavored, Heath flavored, but no Drumstick flavored."

"Yes they do. It's in a half gallon round carton.  Keep looking."

"Round?  These are rectangular shaped cartons."

"No, round for sure.  We don't have room in the freezer for a rectangular carton.  Maybe it wasn't Breyers."

Grrrrr!

I finally found it.  It was Dreyers, not Breyers.

An hour and a half later I was back on the road.  I sometimes wonder if she's just pulling my chain?  

S