"We'll have you up and on your bike and peddling your little legs off by 4 AM. You'll ride 100 miles before we let you stop for a granola bar and some thick, nasty-tasting carb drink. Mmmmm. Then it's back on the road, the goal to totally numb your body before the sun comes up. You haven't hurt until you experience 110 degree heat while peddling for your life wearing a 1/2" wide bicycle seat like it was a cheap thong."
"And if you ever feel like dropping out, just look around....rattlesnakes and scorpions as far as you can see. Talk about getting your second wind! And did we mention the entire 4-day trip is uphill?"
"When you successfully complete the course you'll receive this fine parchment memorializing your achievement, as well as a fake gold medal on a ribbon and an oval-shaped little bumper sticker for your car that says '521.6'. Your friends will see you in a whole new light! All this for the all-inclusive price of just $3,400. Or share the misery and bring a buddy for just $3,399 more."
Or you could just do this: Send me all the money in your bank account, and I'll send over an ex-con truck driver I know who will beat the crap out of you with an ax handle. Certificate included. ;)
S
That makes me glad I can't ride a bike. Though maybe those guys would know where to get a good deal on steroids.
ReplyDeleteSteroids? Maybe Preparation H. ;)
DeleteHa! I saw a guy in my neighborhood this week on a bike with all the required fancy skin tight clothing. To top it off, literally, he was wearing one of those big swept back helmets that Olympic competitors wear on the banked oval track. Unfortunately he was only doing about 10 mph, so maybe all the gear isn't that helpful after all. I remember doing twice that barefooted on my old Schwinn in shorts and a t shirt and some we survived the crashes without a helmet.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you - I don't mind the idea of a leisurely stroll or a tootle around the island on a bike - but hiking & marathon biking are not my cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteI'm all for exercise, especially if someone else is doing it, but this isn't my idea of a good vacation. A bit of physical activity is useful but I wouldn't want to make a religion out of it.
ReplyDeleteI used to LIVE on a bike when I was a kid. But I'm not sure I could even keep one upright now. Certainly not for hundreds of miles a day.
ReplyDeleteNot a vacation for me, either. My oldest son is a bicyclist; he even won the national championship in Belize a few years ago... When he lived with me in South Carolina and was in training, I mentioned at work one time that he had ridden 120 miles the day before. My co-worker looked at me in utter confusion and said, "ON PURPOSE???"
ReplyDeleteThat just sounds god awful! I want my holidays to involve five star hotels and room service, not being made to cycle at four in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI have done quite a few very pleasurable hiking vacations but someone always has another longer trip to suggest - then they tell stories of their bloody, blistered feet, pounding rain etc. and I wonder if they really think they are talking me into something.
ReplyDelete