Announcing my new PRAGMATIC AMERICAN PARTY

Announcing my new

 PRAGMATIC AMERICAN PARTY

Polls show that somewhere between 130% and 150% of all Americans are fed up with our current Democratic and Republican Parties.  They are corrupt, hopelessly broken, and not worth the bullet(s) it would take to put them both down.  Therefore I am today unveiling my new political party, the PRAGMATIC AMERICAN PARTY.  

Our party symbol will be Winston Churchill holding his bulldog.  Never mind that he wasn't American.  I like him. He was a tough, no BS kinda guy.  Get over it.  Here are some of our parties inviolable principles:

Term limits:  President, two four-year terms; Senators, one six-year term; Representatives, three two-year terms.  You must have worked the previous 10 years in the private sector in order to be eligible to run.  If you are caught telling a bald-faced lie, you will be penalized half the distance to the goal.

There will be no campaign contributions allowed.  Campaigns will be publicly financed, candidates given equal funding based on the cost of advertising in their particular region.  This will cost money up front, but will drain a particularly nasty toxic waste dump.

Civil servants will no longer be paid 130% of the private sector wage/benefit scale.  They will be paid par for comparable work.  The public and private sectors will enjoy the same retirement benefits.  No more sweetheart plans.

Everyone will pay taxes.  The poor will pay $100 a year; the wealthy will pay a helluva lot more.

Citizens will be offered a free four-year college education.  To qualify they must complete a four-year stint in the military.  It will work just like the current GI Bill.  In fact it WILL be the current GI Bill, which will be expanded to include those who guard our borders and ports, clean and rebuild blighted areas, and maybe more.

Our veterans will receive their promised health care benefits from private sector providers.  It will cost more initially, but will be cheaper in the long term.  Get over it.

We will undertake a massive infrastructure build/improve project.  It will cost money up front, but will save money in the long term.  Get over it.

There will be no publicly subsidized corporate tax breaks.  If corporations want to buy a professional sports stadium suite, let 'em.  No write off.  If they want a plane or a yacht, let 'em buy one. No write off.  If they want to close a US facility and move it overseas, let 'em.  No write off for closing/moving expenses.  If they haven't fulfilled their part of any tax-abatement deals when they closed and moved, they must pay back all benefits received in full.

We're for a powerful military.  However we will not build $100 million dollar airplanes just to bomb $10 tents or $15,000 Toyota mini-pickup trucks.  Cheap drones can do that just fine.

Captured terrorists (or their remains if they are deceased) will be loaded into giant industrial-sized blenders and pureed with pig butts and feet.  This will not be religion-sensitive.

Undocumented immigrants who have been working here and have caused us no problems will be offered permanent probationary resident status.  They must come out of the shadows and pay American taxes, but they will be paid American wages.  Any employer found to employ now legal immigrants and paying less than American wages will have all their worldly possessions seized and be sentenced to 10-years working in the pig butt blender plant.

The rules defining "IRS tax exempt organizations" will be dramatically tightened.  If they don't deliver 85% minimum of their audited gross income directly to the cause they purport to help, they will be decertified and sentenced to 10-years working in the pig butt blender plant.

Any civil servants found accepting anything of value in exchange for a special consideration will lose their job and be sentenced to 10-years working in the pig butt blender plant.

Those convicted of animal cruelty will have "I AM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT" permanently tattooed on their foreheads.

Convicted child abusers will be sentenced to serve time in prisons holding criminals who were themselves abused as children.  Lights will be extinguished nightly at 10 PM.

Ivory tower bankers will be condemned to wear a Scarlett "B" at all times.

The Second Amendment will be preserved.  However everyone who wants to own a gun will undergo a background check, and have it re-verified periodically.  Those who want to carry concealed will undergo yearly proficiency training and maintain liability insurance.

Everyone will have good health care, the method TBD.  It will cost money up front, but will be cheaper in the long term.  Get over it.

The mentally ill will receive proper treatment.  It will cost money up front, but will be cheaper in the long term.  Get over it.

Those who do volunteer work that benefits the community will be rewarded with a pizza and beer party every Friday. (Ice cream will be substituted for beer for the underage.)

Our party slogan will be "Get over it!"  If you don't like it, get over it.

We'll have many more principles to post later, once I think of them.

Would you like to be a charter party member?  It costs nothing to join, and we won't call you to beg for money.  The initiation is to just find a current Democrat or Republican and kick them to the curb.  Good times!  :)

S