My wife is "directionally challenged". She has to use landmarks around the house in order to find the bathroom. Going to the mailbox qualifies as a road trip. I'm thinking I should keep a current photo of her available at all times for the authorities to put on TV and on those overhead highway info signs when they need to search for her.
For some inexplicable reason she made a doctor's appointment for today at 7:30 am. She's a creature of habit (so am I), and this change of schedule has totally messed up her day.
Before she left she asked me, "What street do we turn on to go to the animal hospital?"
ME: That would be Custer Road.
Fifteen minutes later she called me, her voice very loud and several octaves higher than normal.
K: I'M LOST. I CAN'T FIND IT! I'M GONNA BE LATE!
ME: Did you turn on Custer Road?
K: YES, BUT I CAN'T FIND IT.
ME: So where are you now?
K: I'VE GONE TOO FAR. I'M ON SPRING CREEK.
ME: OK, Spring Creek at what side street?
K: I DON'T KNOW. I TOLD YOU I'M LOST!
ME: Give me your doctor's address....I'll look it up.
K: IT'S AT XXXX INDEPENDENCE.
ME: Umm....then you should have turned at Independence.
K: THEN WHY DID YOU TELL ME TO TURN AT CUSTER?
ME: I DIDN'T (now I'm talking loud and several octaves higher, too). YOU ASKED ME WHERE THE VET WAS. THE VET OBVIOUSLY HAS NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH WHERE YOUR DOCTOR IS! *deep breath* OK, now where are you?
K: I'M ON HEDGECOX!
ME: Which way are you going....Hedgecox runs east/west. Are you going towards our house or away from our house?
K: I DON'T KNOW!
ME: Is the sun in your eyes or at your back?
K: NO!
ME: No what? No sun in your eyes, or no sun at your back?
K: I'M GONNA BE LATE! I HATE YOU! ALL I KNOW IS THE TOLLWAY (SH 121) IS ON MY RIGHT.
ME: *Ah-ha....a real clue* OK, then you're going west. The next major intersection is Independence. Turn right there.
K: SO GET IN THE RIGHT LANE?
*Personal observation: I'm thinking the authorities should give special dispensation to K due to her handicap. Maybe a special window sticker or license plate symbol that will allow her to turn any damn direction she wants from any damn lane she wants. *
ME: Yes, sweetie. That would be great.
K: OH, THERE IT IS! Thank you. I love you. Gotta go now. *kiss, kiss*
She called me 45 minutes later to tell me that she got the time wrong. Her appointment wasn't until 8:30.
Have a wonderful Monday everyone. :)
S
Ha ha my wife is like that
ReplyDelete*snort* Sorry, K, but that right there is funny! Good thing we don't have phone booths anymore, S...K might get lost in one ;-)
ReplyDeleteThat sounds familiar, only I'm on K's side of the conversation, and not quite as funny. If it wasn't for Mrs. C I wouldn't be able to leave the house.
ReplyDeleteMrs. C is amazing, if it is in New Jersey, she knows three ways to get there. Her directions when i'm lost..."Do you see a McD's on the left? Ok then, turn right at the Exxon station, go two miles and turn right at the 7-11 and it is two blocks up on your right. I don't need GPS, I just call my wife.
Very funny post!
I'll take a hit to my masculine pride by admitting this sounds more like ME than my wife. When it comes to directions Mrs. Chatterbox is a regular Sacaga--you know, that Indian lady.
ReplyDeleteLOL - that's hilarious! I always know to give myself at least 30 extra minutes because I WILL get lost. Even if I've been there before :)
ReplyDeleteTRULY hilarious. I hope she's not reading this. If she is, sorry, K.
ReplyDeleteThis is why having a smart phone is so damn handy......
ReplyDeleteLOL.
ReplyDeleteI shouldn't LOL. I'm a fan of maps - looking at one helps me get my bearings straight and get a sense of what's where. With smart phones and GPS devices, you don't get that three-dimensional feel for a place.