Oh yes....lawnmowers. I remember those.

Do you remember hearing stories from 40 years ago about some inventor who perfected a car engine that could get 100 mpg, but then all talk about it disappeared because his invention was supposedly bought out by the oil companies?  Seems they had a vested interest in seeing us chug along in our 15 mpg chariots, buying oil/gas from them by the boatload, pun intended.

I have an idea similar in its potential to revolutionize how we live our lives, but seeing as how I pretty much screwed off during high school chemistry and learned little more than how to make stink bombs, I don't know how to develop it.  I can be the creative (read:  screwball) partner, now I just need a smart geeky partner to breathe life into my idea and it's off to the bank we go.  Here's my idea:

I was out this morning walking the pooch when I noticed how ragged the lot across the street looked.  A guy with a big tractor was just out there last week cutting it, but already some weeds are now knee-high again.  Not all....just some.

Chemical companies can make stuff to make things grow faster (fertilizer), and they know how to make potions to make green stuff die (herbicides), right?  (Yeah, yeah, I know....we're poisoning Mother Earth, blah, blah....just stick with me here.)  Why can't they make something that makes everything grow at the same rate?

Just imagine....you mow your yard in the spring.  It looks nice.  A month later everything....grass, weeds and all....are now 3 inches tall.  (Hey, green is green.  Just don't look too closely.)  Another month later, they're all 4 inches tall.  Another month 5 inches tall, etc.  

Eventually, depending on how big a dog you have, you'll need to mow your lawn again (you'll know it's time when you let your dog out and you can't see him anymore), but until then yard mowing will just be a twice or three-times-a-year event.  Woo Hoo!

Of course, this is bad news if you're the CEO of a lawnmower manufacturer or maybe Briggs and Stratton, but screw 'em.  We just got our weekends back, guys!  

OK....I need a geeky partner with a knowledge of chemistry (or at least the patience to do a lot of online research).  Who's interested?  *Cha-ching!*

S

Maybe I've been too hard on the French

Ever since The Great War it's been pretty easy....fashionable even....to poke fun at the French.  Example:

TV NEWS:  "Today it was announced that the French will be sending a battalion of troops to join the coalition fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan."

ME:  "Umm....could they just donate a hundred bucks instead?"

But today I read that a "Parisian archive" (whatever that is) has brought in four of these rather shaggy looking sheep to eat the grass on the grounds of the archive (whatever that is).  They're obviously trying to go Green and mothball their lawn mowers, letting the sheep graze to their heart's content instead.

Bravo Parisian archive!  (Whatever that is.)  Credit where credit is due.

Homeowners of America....UNITE!  Let's follow the lead of this innovative Parisian archive (whatever that is) and ditch our lawnmowers.  Just think how much more pleasant our weekends would be if we just left the lawn mowing to the sheep?  And the fertilizing, too.  Screw the HOA!  They want Green?  Let's give 'em Green!

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OK, one last dig at the French. (Old habits die hard.)

It seems that back during one of the many Anglo-French Wars the French captured a British officer.  During his interrogation the French asked him why the British always wore red uniforms?

The British officer explained that if he were to be wounded in battle his blood wouldn't show on his uniform and his men wouldn't become demoralized.

The French realized what a morale-boosting idea this was and that is why, to this very day, French officers wear brown pants.  ;)

Now you know.  Have a great weekend everyone.

S