Every day is an adventure

My days usually start with a Starbucks coffee drink and a computer check to see what happened overnight.  Yahoo, Facebook, blogspot, then the news, all with the TV on in the background.  I used to skip right over the spam folder Yahoo separates from my legitimate email, but recently I've found that's where all the good stuff goes.  For example:

Discreet wife dating.  Why wait have an affair with a cheating wife today.

Despite the grammatical errors, I find this hilarious.  It reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield routine where he gets into a taxi and asks the driver to take him "someplace where I can have a 'good time', if you know what I mean.  He took me to my house."

Poor Rodney.

What a kid I got.  I told him about the birds and the bees, he told me about my wife and the butcher.

And Viagra ads.  My spam folder has several in there every day.  Where is Canadiana exactly?  It must be one jumpin' place.  Men popping Viagra from PEZ dispensers, women running for their lives.  I pity the slow ones.

Closer to home, I've learned there are women right here in my town who want to meet me.  What I want to know is, where were these women when I was in high school?  And how did they get my email address?

And lasik eye surgery:  Does anyone ever choose an eye surgeon from an ad in their spam email?  Dr. Liu...."You look good.  No really....you look good.  You like."  Clever.  And the price is unbeatable!

Finally, scooters.  You know, the kind seniors cut donuts in their kitchen with, and ride to the Grand Canyon.   My quality of life would be so much better if I had one.  So they say.  

OK, I'm sold.  Here's my plan:  I'm gonna get me a scooter, stop by Dr. Liu's and get my eyes fixed, then cruise on up to Canadiana for some discount Viagra.  Then once the swelling goes down....in my EYES you pervs!....I'll call that 900 number and say "hi" to Mrs. Dangerfield.

So who's up for a road trip?  ;)

S

Air conditioning 101

It's that time of the year....summer.   Air conditioners are starting to hum.  Some aren't.  They're broken.

Let me share with you some of what us homebuilders....er...."building scientists" *snicker* ....have learned regarding the proper a/c size and efficiency ratings you'll need to know if yours goes kaput.

Logic says buy the highest SEER (Seasonal Energy Efficiency Ratio) rated unit you can afford, the higher the number the better.  These days they begin at 13 SEER....that's rock bottom....up to 23 or 24 SEER. That is not necessarily a smart plan.  There are other variables that need to be considered.

If your home is relatively new and has a tight "envelope" (very good wall and ceiling insulation, good windows and doors, proper caulking, well sealed a/c ducts, etc), you can probably get by nicely with a 16/18 SEER unit.  

That's because the a/c won't come on that often or run for very long at a time due to the home's draft-free tightness.  If the a/c isn't running a lot, a 20 SEER won't save enough to justify the premium price over a 16 SEER unit.  Save the money and just buy the 16 SEER model.

On the other hand, if you have an older, under-insulated, drafty house, your a/c unit will probably come on often and stay on for a long time at a stretch. Then you should strongly consider a 20 SEER system.  

It will run enough, and therefore save enough, to justify the premium over a 16 SEER unit.  Of course, there are also other upgrades you should consider doing if your house is that deficient.

Logic also says, "If a 4-ton unit is good, a 5-ton unit is better", right?

Not really.  Just as a car needs to warm up and be driven a few miles and get up to speed before you begin to realize optimum mileage efficiency, an a/c unit needs to run at least 10 minutes at a time before it reaches peak performance.  

An over-sized a/c unit that comes on and then cycles off after only 5 minutes or so isn't even getting warmed up.  Your fancy 20 SEER system is just spinning it's wheels.  Don't "over-size".

So how do you know how "tight" your home is?  If you've been in your home a while you probably know if it feels drafty or not, and of course your utility bills can tell you a lot, too.  But the best way is to hire an energy auditor to come to your home and do a "blower-door test".  Spend a little, save a lot.

They'll temporarily seal up a door opening and, using a fan, depressurize your home.  They'll then compare the pressure inside and outside, and this will tell them how tight your house is.  Using this information a competent HVAC contractor can calculate the proper SEER rating and capacity your home needs.

Yeah, I know.  Boring post.  I just hate to see my friends get ripped off by slick talking salespeople yapping non-stop on TV/radio.  Be careful out there.

S

But the guy on TV made it look so easy

Have you heard of 3-D printing?  It's a digital process where layers of material are "printed" one on top of another to make complex 3-dimensional shapes.  You program in the plans for the gizmo you want, then layer-by-layer the printer builds it.  My Neanderthal brain can't actually wrap itself around this....I'm pretty sure there's some black magic involved.

Here's where it gets real:  A guy in Austin, TX has successfully "printed" a gun and actually fired it.  

It doesn't look like much, and it only fires .22's, but still, it worked.  Since the printer cost $8,000, I'm not sure this is a very cost effective way to get a gun, but still, it worked.  

I already have a gun, but what I don't have is a really cool car.  I mean Jaguar, Aston Martin, or maybe Ferrari cool.  So here's my plan:  First, I've gotta get me one of those fancy printers.  You think Office Depot has them?  (I have an account there.)  Then I'll need a Chilton parts manual for my chosen car.  Finally, recognizing my technological limitations, I'll need a nerd to run the machine.  Pick paint and upholstery colors and Waa-Laa....dream car!

Maybe I'll start small just to get the hang of it.  Like maybe a Mini, the original sized one.  Then raise the bar a notch at a time until I get what I want.  Isn't this cool?  I may have to rethink my prejudice against technology. 

Reality check....maybe there's more to this than I first thought.

Damn!  ;)

S

Cars & Coffee, May, 2013....best one EVER!

First Saturday of the month, 45 degrees and rising, clear sky, calm winds....all the necessary ingredients for a great Cars and Coffee.  With a thousand cars +/- on display, this was petrolhead heaven.

The Plano (TX) PD was there doing some very effective PR work:

 I thought this was pretty clever.

There must have been a Porsche 928 Owners Club meeting there today.  I saw at least a dozen.  Porsche thought this would be the successor to the venerable 911.  They missed by a mile.

A rare $500K Porsche Carerra GT.  Impressive, but I think I could find better car(s) to drop a half-mil on.

Can you imagine shoe-horning a V-8 into a MGB GT?  British Leyland somehow managed it.  The weight distribution must have been awful.  (Hate the wheels.  Blech!)

Hard as I try, I just can't get excited about the new-generation Lamborghini's.  I just don't get that "Transformers" look.  I much prefer this cleaner, older-style Murcielago.

While this Maserati GT body style has been out for about 5 years now, I still never tire looking at it.  *sigh*

'Course, the Aston Martin Vanquish gets my juices flowing, too.  British Racing Green for me, please.

A Ferrari 458 Italia Spyder.  While I have excellent credit, I'm not sure USAA would up my credit limit to $291,000.  *curses*

A McLaren MP4-12C.  Can a car be TOO perfect?  (Hint:  yes.)

Until today I'd never seen a BMW Z8 with a removable (?) hardtop.  Umm....no.  Convertibles should be ragtops.  Period.  (Unless you're gifting me one.  ;)

A BMW Z3/4 Coupe menage a trois?

You knew you wouldn't get through one of my C&C posts without seeing a Fiat 500, right?  ;)

A very interesting Jaguar Mk ?  Doesn't it just scream BRITISH?  (No...wait...the British don't "scream".  It's much too undignified.)

OK, OK.  I'm a Europhile.  I admit it.  To be fair I took some photos of Detroit iron, too:

If you must have a 'Vette, THIS is the one you want.  A split-window '63.

Remember when GM stood for General Motors, before it became Government Motors?  Remember the Buick Riviera?  And the Pontiac Grand Prix?  If you answered 'yes', you're an old coot like me.  

Or a Studebaker Champion?  These were even before my time.  (OK, this was made in South Bend, IN, not Detroit.  Sue me.  ;)

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I'VE BEEN SANDBAGGING THE BEST FOR LAST

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Over the past year of posting C&C photos one car in particular has popped up more than any other....

....this absolutely pristine Jaguar E-Type V-12.  

Before today I think I've shown this car four times, I like it that much.  It was none other than the legendary Enzo Ferrari who once called the E-Type Jaguar the most beautiful car ever made, and I certainly wouldn't argue that.  Can you believe this design is fifty years old?  It's still stunningly spectacular today!

Several months ago on one of my Cars and Coffee debriefs I received a comment from a reader, "Robert", who said this was his car!  Whoa....needle in a haystack, right?  We made plans to personally meet today at 08:00, and we managed to connect.

What a treat it was to meet him.  Not just because he owns this magnificent automobile, but because he is a thoroughly pleasant gentleman.  He shared with me the history of his car, how he came to own it, the maintenance it requires (not much), and more.  I can't tell you what an interesting visit we had.

Then he made my day.  As we were both about to call it a day and go home, Robert asked me if I would like to go for a spin in his car.  I only had to be asked once! 

Oh my, you should hear this magnificent V-12 engine purr!  Once we cleared the crowd and pulled out of the lot he asked if I'd like to drive it?

Gulp!

I couldn't do it.  I've had manual transmission cars before....that wasn't the problem.  I just couldn't imagine how I could live with myself if I did something dumb and hurt his pride and joy.  I would have to impale myself on a long knife Hara-kiri-style.  (And boy, would K be pissed!  "Knock, knock....Hi.  Are you the widow Park?")

Until today I'd forgotten how excited I was as a kid to run into the den and look under the tree on Christmas morning.  Just sitting in this magnificent automobile, listening to it, smelling it, looking at every toggle, brought back that thrill.

Thanks, Robert, for the ride and most of all just for the "car-guy" camaraderie.  I'm looking forward to us being able to visit again.  

Until June 1, 2013, that's all for Cars and Coffee.  :)

S

*QUESTION:  I've been playing with my layout width in order to post x-large photos.  Is it too wide now to be seen on your screen without scrolling over?  If so let me know and I'll convert it back the way it was.

I'm pretty sure Freddie Kruger went on to be a prominent banker

When you were a kid did you ever do something you weren't supposed to and then get caught by your mom (or dad)?  Maybe you were told you could play in your yard or David's yard (next door), but nowhere else, then she came looking for you and found you six yards down the street playing with Tony?  (Or Toni? *wink*)

She was worried and mad, and she spoke to you firmly, or if she was really ticked she would take you home and give you a spanking.  You cried and/or were embarrassed, and you promised to never do it again.  And you didn't, 'cause you knew she was watching, and you certainly didn't want to get caught again.

Apparently today's Ivory Tower bankers were never disciplined as kids.  To this day they do things, get caught, then go back and do them again and again and....

Instead of saying, "I'm sorry, it won't happen again" and then cleaning up their act, they just pull together their top people and brainstorm better, more devious ways to cheat.  To them it isn't a sin to cheat.  It's only a sin to get caught.

Case in point:  The Federales (8 different agencies) are all over JP Morgan Chase bank for screwing over the public in too many ways to list here.  One of the more egregious was a scheme to turn some money losing power-generating plants they owned into powerful "money centers".

....under "pressure to generate large profits," the agency’s investigators said, traders in Houston devised a workaround. Adopting eight different “schemes” between September 2010 and June 2011, the traders offered the energy at prices “calculated to falsely appear attractive” to state energy authorities. The effort prompted authorities in California and Michigan to dole out about $83 million in “excessive” payments to JPMorgan, the investigators said. The behavior had “harmful effects” on the markets, according to the document.

Shades of Enron!  Oh, just FYI, the very senior Chase banker responsible for this fraud, Blythe Masters, was one of the original developers of those "credit default swaps" at the heart of the worldwide economic meltdown of 2008.  

"...and then we wring every last cent we can out of them.  Now, about my bonus..."

See why I'm so down on the big money-center banks?  They are NOT going to change their ways, I don't care how many eyes they have watching them.  That's why these big banks need to be broken up into smaller, more transparent, easier to oversee pieces.  

These guys are just gangsters in high-dollar three-piece suits.

S

Do I dare hope?....and a good Thursday giggle, too.

While we can argue until the cows come home about the causes of climate change, I think we can all agree the climate IS changing.  Unless you've been holed up in mama's basement since the Clinton administration without access to a window, you know something isn't right.

Right now, for example, it's already hot and dry....very un-spring-like....in the west.  The weatherguessers say the wildfire season might start early; the ingredients are already in place.

And right here where I am near Dallas the temps are dropping like a rock, with wind chills expected to be in the upper-teens on Friday morning.  It could be worse*....our cold goes right up America's mid-section bringing record snows further north on May 1!  What the....?  And for those in the south and east....man the sandbags....it's flooding.

     *I'm not complaining.  I can always slip on jeans and a jacket and be toasty.  I'm lovin' this last bit of cool weather!

Always trying to put lipstick on a pig, here's what I'm selfishly hoping for:  Where Texas summers are usually unbearably HOT (all caps), I'm hoping this summer might be abnormally cool.  This would be right in character with the upside-down weather we've had recently.  Do I dare hope?

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Have y'all seen this new Kmart ad announcing their free shipping?  To some it's offensive, to me it's just freakin' hilarious.  You decide:

With that, I'll let you get on with your business.  ;)

S

Oh yes....lawnmowers. I remember those.

Do you remember hearing stories from 40 years ago about some inventor who perfected a car engine that could get 100 mpg, but then all talk about it disappeared because his invention was supposedly bought out by the oil companies?  Seems they had a vested interest in seeing us chug along in our 15 mpg chariots, buying oil/gas from them by the boatload, pun intended.

I have an idea similar in its potential to revolutionize how we live our lives, but seeing as how I pretty much screwed off during high school chemistry and learned little more than how to make stink bombs, I don't know how to develop it.  I can be the creative (read:  screwball) partner, now I just need a smart geeky partner to breathe life into my idea and it's off to the bank we go.  Here's my idea:

I was out this morning walking the pooch when I noticed how ragged the lot across the street looked.  A guy with a big tractor was just out there last week cutting it, but already some weeds are now knee-high again.  Not all....just some.

Chemical companies can make stuff to make things grow faster (fertilizer), and they know how to make potions to make green stuff die (herbicides), right?  (Yeah, yeah, I know....we're poisoning Mother Earth, blah, blah....just stick with me here.)  Why can't they make something that makes everything grow at the same rate?

Just imagine....you mow your yard in the spring.  It looks nice.  A month later everything....grass, weeds and all....are now 3 inches tall.  (Hey, green is green.  Just don't look too closely.)  Another month later, they're all 4 inches tall.  Another month 5 inches tall, etc.  

Eventually, depending on how big a dog you have, you'll need to mow your lawn again (you'll know it's time when you let your dog out and you can't see him anymore), but until then yard mowing will just be a twice or three-times-a-year event.  Woo Hoo!

Of course, this is bad news if you're the CEO of a lawnmower manufacturer or maybe Briggs and Stratton, but screw 'em.  We just got our weekends back, guys!  

OK....I need a geeky partner with a knowledge of chemistry (or at least the patience to do a lot of online research).  Who's interested?  *Cha-ching!*

S