Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Every day is an adventure

My days usually start with a Starbucks coffee drink and a computer check to see what happened overnight.  Yahoo, Facebook, blogspot, then the news, all with the TV on in the background.  I used to skip right over the spam folder Yahoo separates from my legitimate email, but recently I've found that's where all the good stuff goes.  For example:

Discreet wife dating.  Why wait have an affair with a cheating wife today.

Despite the grammatical errors, I find this hilarious.  It reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield routine where he gets into a taxi and asks the driver to take him "someplace where I can have a 'good time', if you know what I mean.  He took me to my house."

Poor Rodney.

What a kid I got.  I told him about the birds and the bees, he told me about my wife and the butcher.

And Viagra ads.  My spam folder has several in there every day.  Where is Canadiana exactly?  It must be one jumpin' place.  Men popping Viagra from PEZ dispensers, women running for their lives.  I pity the slow ones.

Closer to home, I've learned there are women right here in my town who want to meet me.  What I want to know is, where were these women when I was in high school?  And how did they get my email address?

And lasik eye surgery:  Does anyone ever choose an eye surgeon from an ad in their spam email?  Dr. Liu...."You look good.  No look good.  You like."  Clever.  And the price is unbeatable!

Finally, scooters.  You know, the kind seniors cut donuts in their kitchen with, and ride to the Grand Canyon.   My quality of life would be so much better if I had one.  So they say.  

OK, I'm sold.  Here's my plan:  I'm gonna get me a scooter, stop by Dr. Liu's and get my eyes fixed, then cruise on up to Canadiana for some discount Viagra.  Then once the swelling goes my EYES you pervs!....I'll call that 900 number and say "hi" to Mrs. Dangerfield.

So who's up for a road trip?  ;)



  1. Sounds like a plan. I'll have to wait to do that until after I collect my winnings from the lottery in Ghana.

  2. ...I pity the slow ones... LOLOL - That just put such a hilarious visual in my head. But then your grand plan trumps that visual all to pieces. You are a nut.

  3. Good point on the eye surgery, I think i'll cxl my appointment.

    My favorite is apparently a very young lady named Adrianna has seen my picture on facebook and she just has to meet me. She has been stalking me for two weeks now. If you think an eye doctor on spam is risky, imagine datine a young lady that thinks i'm so hot from a picture on facebook that she will just not give up!

    Back to the funny stuff, this was a good one! Stick to your formula Scott, Funny/Cars/and bash bankers! (My banker bash is scheduled for Friday)

  4. Count me in. I'm sure Mrs. Chatterbox would like some alone time around the house. And if my "skills" improve at Mrs. Dangerfield's house--well, she'd probably like that also.

  5. I'm going to pass up on the women that want to meet me. Also on the Viagra, thankyouverymuch. I'll be meeting a prince from Nigeria. Top that!

  6. The Powerball winnings will be mine tonight! The sales lady who sold me my ticket told me so.

  7. Surprised you don't have more viruses on the computer and more strange packages at the door (I will call the bomb squad for sketchy packages - you know all our packages come from Amazon)