Hello, India? Is that you? SUP...yeah, it's me, Scott. Again.

"And we'll all be drinking that free bubble up, and eatin' that rainbow stew."

When I buy something, I expect it to work as advertised.  Every time, all the time.  Is that asking too much?

RING:  Service Department.

ME:   Oh hi.  I have a new ____ less than a year old, and it won't start.  I need an appointment, please.

SERVICE DEPT:  Whoa, hold on there buddy.  You know what we have to pay a technician?  We only use those guys as a last resort.  Let's try something else first.

ME:  Umm, OK, like what?

SERVICE DEPT:  I want you to pull out your resistor coil capacitor pack, turn it upside down, and see if the whiffledagger plug has worked itself loose.  If it has, take a hair dryer, turn it to "high heat", get the whiffledagger good and hot, and try and force it back in.  That should take care of it.  Have a nice day.

ME:  No, no, wait...DON'T HANG UP!  Although I can barely understand your English-as-a-second-language speech, you're all I have.  

That's pretty much what it's like talking to AT&T about their U-verse internet/cable TV service.*  They want US to unplug it, wiggle it, whap it a few times, wait 10 seconds, do the hokey-pokey, and finally reconnect it.   Plan B is for them to do a diagnostic on-line, and then grudgingly agree to send us a new box.

It usually arrives in just a few days, but then they want ME to take the old one to a "nearby" (NOT) UPS store and send it back to them.  Umm....it's THEIR box, why can't THEY come get it?

Our cable TV has been an on again/off again thing for weeks now, and this morning the Wifi has given it up, too.  I don't know if it's their service, their equipment, or some faulty wiring preventing the various parts from talking to each other, but in any case, it's THEIR stuff.  

They are sending one of their precious techs out tomorrow to make it work.  If they can't fix it, they can just take it back with them.  I'm too old for this shit.  (Actually I only need TV during football season.  The rest of the year I can happily just do without.  Oh, and 20 Formula 1 race days a year.)

Anyone know anything about Apple TV?  I'm headed there today to check out what they have to offer.

S

*Actually it's K who has been on the phone with the Land Of The Ganges.  My patience gave up years ago.