Shopping is for women

I recently had the misfortune of going to the mall where I was reminded again of just how skewed retail stores are in favor of women.  Go into Macy's or Nordstrom's or Dillard's and it's obvious.  Quite frankly, I think those big stores would be happy if men just stayed out of the way, or better yet, just stayed home and sent their women out to shop for them.

Think about it:  On the first floor you'll find perfume, tall women's shirts, short women's pants, large women's casual clothes, skinny women's bras, and jewelry.  Upstairs you'll find petite women's professional clothes, skinny women's beach attire, tall women's skirts, short women's shirts, large women's evening attire, and most undergarments.  Women's flip flops and boots are on one floor, and sneakers, sandals, and all other shoes are...umm...scattered around.  Same with socks and belts.  Oh, and purses...I think they're grouped by size...S, M, L, and Luggage, on at least two floors.

Meanwhile, the men's section takes up about 2500 square feet on the second floor.  (Women are allocated what seems like 800,000 square feet.)  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is there.  Shirts (LS, SS, dress, polo, casual, and tee's), suits, pants (dress, business casual, jeans, and shorts) swim suits, shoes, socks, underwear, and belts.  You name it...if it isn't in that 2500 square foot section, they don't have it.  Go home.

This is because men are disciplined shoppers.  We go into "our" section, find what we're looking for, buy it, and leave.  It ain't rocket science.  Women define "impulse shoppers".  They buy the shirt they went in for, then look around and start squealing..."Oooo, look, I want, I want, I want!"

Want more proof retailers prize women shoppers?  A man's blazer is, say, $200, while THE SAME blazer in a (smaller) women's size sells for $350.  Jeans...men's $40.  Women's...$95. Men's underwear...3-pack for $20.  Women's underwear, $15 each minimum.  Cha Ching!

And have you ever noticed there are no windows in those big retail stores?  Men will walk in, turn left and right and left and right a few times, look around and realize they're lost, then panic and look for a window to try and figure out which way is north, and therefore where the door is.  They want to traumatize men so we'll never come back.  Women could care less if they ever find a door.  They just figure at some point during their wandering around they'll find one, and that's good enough.  No hurry.

The bottom line for men is this:  Admit defeat.  Malls don't want us there getting in the women's way.  Stay home.  Shop online.  It's our only sane option.

S

"Man shopping" for clothes

Over the past several "semi-retired" years my wardrobe, modest in the best of times, has taken a nose dive.  I can count only three decent sports shirts that I can wear out in the evening or to a casual business meeting.  As I have another meeting tomorrow and they've already seen me as "Larry, Curly, and Moe", I figured it was time to go do a little shopping.

 Whatdayamean "Am I going out looking like this?"

Like many men, I'm not a good shopper.  That's why I rarely do it.  That's also why I usually look like a holocaust survivor, except for the part about being brutally starved.  (Trust me, I DON'T look starved.)  My default version of clothes shopping consists of going to the LL Bean website and buying some new shorts and t-shirts, then waiting for the UPS man to arrive.  Easy peasy.

But today I felt brave and ventured out to the big mall just a couple of blocks away.  I went in to Dillard's first, found the men's department in the back corner, and then found several shirts that looked nice.  The lady whose first language sounded like it was Russian told me they were now 40% off.  Sweet!

I whipped out my wallet and she said, "I'll need your Dillard's card, please."

I said, "I'll just pay with my debit card, thank you."

"Oh no sir (or maybe it was "Comrade"), the sale price is only for Dillard's Club members.  I'll be happy to open you a membership.  ("Membership" must now be the code word for credit card.)  Nope, no more "memberships" for me.

Bye-Bye.

At the other end of the mall was Macy's.  Same drill, found the men's department and a couple of nice shirts....they were Tommy Bahama....but they were waaaaay over $100 each.

Bye-Bye. 

Next it was on to Nordstrom's.  I found their men's department in the corner of the basement (how come women get 95% of the store?) and a couple of acceptable shirts.

The tag said the fabric was "modal".  So I said to myself, "Self, WTF is modal?  And more importantly, does it need to be ironed?"  I looked it up on the World Wide Web (thank you iPhone) and it said modal "pills" and likely needs ironing.

Bye-Bye.

I decided my last stop before I gave up entirely would be REI.  Fortunately they had a couple of Colombia shirts that I liked, never mind that they looked like I was going fishing, so I bought 'em.

Now I'm just hoping the "fisherman look" is better than the "holocaust survivor look".  I'm thinking it's a toss-up.  Meh.  ;)

S