The biggest mis-match of all time....

No, this is not a post about my sense of fashion.

This morning I took Luke the Wonderdog out for his usual morning stroll around the 'hood.  HIS hood, or so he thinks.  Seems he hasn't yet noticed he's a Yorkshire terrier weighing in at a mere solid 8 pounds.  There are some regulars we see every day out walking, too, like Oliver the bulldog, Angel the little fluffy "thing", The Lady Who Won't Talk To Anyone and her long-haired dachshund, and a few others.  They all pay their respects to Luke, and he lets them use his sidewalk.   Vivre et laisse vivre.

Today there was a new kid on the block, a Mastiff.  He was HUGE!  And yes, it was most definitely a "he".  I didn't have my camera with me, but as best I can remember he looked something like this:

He was on the other side of the street checking out the smells of his new neighbors when he and Luke spotted each other at the same time.  Luke immediately widened his stance and stood a 1/4" taller as though saying, "Did I say you could look at me?  Did I?"

The stare-down lasted a good minute.  I don't know if the Mastiff actually blinked first or if he just really, really had to go pee, but he broke things off and went looking for a suitable tree, and Luke went back to sniffing bugs, about the only things outside that are smaller than him.  

One of these days I'm gonna have to sit Luke down and explain to him how the jungle works, but for today at least, I was proud of the boy.  :)

Happy Friday everyone!

S

Every day is an adventure

My days usually start with a Starbucks coffee drink and a computer check to see what happened overnight.  Yahoo, Facebook, blogspot, then the news, all with the TV on in the background.  I used to skip right over the spam folder Yahoo separates from my legitimate email, but recently I've found that's where all the good stuff goes.  For example:

Discreet wife dating.  Why wait have an affair with a cheating wife today.

Despite the grammatical errors, I find this hilarious.  It reminds me of the old Rodney Dangerfield routine where he gets into a taxi and asks the driver to take him "someplace where I can have a 'good time', if you know what I mean.  He took me to my house."

Poor Rodney.

What a kid I got.  I told him about the birds and the bees, he told me about my wife and the butcher.

And Viagra ads.  My spam folder has several in there every day.  Where is Canadiana exactly?  It must be one jumpin' place.  Men popping Viagra from PEZ dispensers, women running for their lives.  I pity the slow ones.

Closer to home, I've learned there are women right here in my town who want to meet me.  What I want to know is, where were these women when I was in high school?  And how did they get my email address?

And lasik eye surgery:  Does anyone ever choose an eye surgeon from an ad in their spam email?  Dr. Liu...."You look good.  No really....you look good.  You like."  Clever.  And the price is unbeatable!

Finally, scooters.  You know, the kind seniors cut donuts in their kitchen with, and ride to the Grand Canyon.   My quality of life would be so much better if I had one.  So they say.  

OK, I'm sold.  Here's my plan:  I'm gonna get me a scooter, stop by Dr. Liu's and get my eyes fixed, then cruise on up to Canadiana for some discount Viagra.  Then once the swelling goes down....in my EYES you pervs!....I'll call that 900 number and say "hi" to Mrs. Dangerfield.

So who's up for a road trip?  ;)

S