The Royal Baby

He probably looks something like this.

Daily life in Great Britain, the US, and much of the rest of the world came to a standstill for a few minutes yesterday when Princess Kate Duchess Windsor Middleton Cambridge gave birth to a new heir to the British Throne.  Little Prince Elroy* and his mum are both said to be doing well.  A beaming Prince William was quoted as saying, "Me?  Don't we have Royal Hired Help to change those?"

With the new expanded Windsor-Middleton-Cambridge family scheduled to come home today, Extreme Home Makeover, UK crews "gave it the beans" (English euphemism for "hurried things up"), getting the baby's room painted blue and the wood-cut-out letters E L R O Y hung over his crib.  

Elsewhere Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip were spotted wearing floppy hats and dark sunglasses trying to quietly get a few last minute things at We Be Toys.  Besides a lamp and a small rug, the Queen reportedly bought a gilded photo frame for the autographed picture of Herself she planned to present to the Royal Tyke.

Royal Bookies currently have Baby Elroy eventually becoming a Royal Air Force Sea King helicopter pilot like his dad, 5-2 odds over becoming a British Army Apache helicopter pilot like his uncle Harry, despite the fact that Apache's are way more cool.

The Lowandslow's have sent their congratulatory email, and we look forward to someday meeting King Elroy when we visit England for a little sightseeing.  I'm sure he's looking forward to meeting us, too.

S

*Prince Scott was ruled out early after Scotland announced they would soon hold an election on whether to remain in the United Kingdom or go it alone.  An incensed Queen Elizabeth reportedly said, "Well then, shag 'em."

What's in a name?

The whole world seems to be watching intently the maternity status of Kate Duchess Middleton Windsor Cambridge (I hope I got that right).  If you're like me and are easily confused by all that Royal lineage stuff, lemme help you out:  Kate's first born will be the eventual heir to the British throne.  That is once Elizabeth calls it quits, and Charles gets a turn, and William, too.  Judging by Elizabeth's tenure, that would mean the soon-to-pop little tyke will become King/Queen when he/she is about 150 years old.

But what's its name?  That's what everyone wants to know.  Traditionally monarchs have had very regal sounding names like William or John or Victoria.  People (and t-shirt vendors) all over Britain are waiting with baited breath to find out the name Wills and Kate have been keeping so secret.  (Think Edward Snowden picked it up on a wire-tap?)

Here's my suggestion....just as the new Pope, Francis, has deliberately tried to identify with the common man, maybe the proud Royal parents should also try to put a human face on the Monarchy.  What better way to do that than by giving their child a name the average bloke down at the corner pub might have? 

Something like Waldo, or Farley, or Edna, or Tyrone?  (Sorry Kate, but Honey Boo Boo is already taken.)  OK, maybe they sound more like guys in a bar in New Jersey than a pub in London, but you get the idea.

All hail King Farley I.

(Yeah, definitely an Old English 800 kind of guy.  ;)

S