Can you see me now? OK, how about now?

Very funny, Doc.  Veeeeeery funny.

I'll be on the phone first thing this morning trying to set up an appointment with an opthamologist.  My right peeper is acting up, and the pain in my ass is unbearable.  That would be due to K kicking me there, pestering me to go see an opthamolgist.  *ouch...yes dear...I prom...ouch...OK, I will...ouch*

A week ago my eye felt irritated, which I thought was just due to the cold and wind.  Some OTC drops didn't help at all.  Then I rubbed them (my bad) and that just compounded the problem.  *sigh*  I'm tired of this.  K's right, I need some doctoring.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The running joke is I'm some sort of raging bacon-holic.  Truth is, yes, I do enjoy some crispy bacon now and then, but that's usually only on Sunday when I have my customary bacon and egg brunch, and occasionally on Saturday if we eat lunch at Central Market.  Then I'll have their BLTA.  That's it.

Turns out the real bacon heavyweights (pardon the pun) are assembling this week at the Tropicana Casino and Resort in Atlantic City, NJ for their annual Bacon Week celebration.  Check this:

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (AP) — Get ready for bacon like you've never eaten, drunk or worn it before.

Bacon milkshakes. Chocolate-covered bacon shaped like roses. Bacon-flavored toothpaste, dental floss and lip balm. Bacon bourbon, margaritas, beer and vodka.   Bacon ice cream sundaes. A BLT sandwich with a full pound of bacon.

"Hey baby, can I buy you a bacon margarita?"  I'm guessing the traditional "What's your sign?" would be a better ice breaker.  'Course, that never worked for me back in the day either, so....   :)

Check here for Tropicana Bacon Week news.  (I really couldn't make this up, folks.)

S

All things bacon....

I'm NOT a bacon-holic.  I can quit anytime.  Some day I may quit, but not now.  I don't need help, just more bacon.  Well, I don't NEED more bacon, but I just find that it helps me take the edge off....

Oh, hell.  Does the Betty Ford Clinic have a "bacon wing"?

Of course this is all in jest.  I do like bacon on my hamburgers, but that's only one every week or two.  And I do enjoy a traditional eggs and bacon breakfast on Sunday mornings, but rarely on a weekday.

I enjoy a bacon-wrapped filet mignon, but after it's grilled I don't eat the bacon.  It's just there to keep the filet juicy since filet is just beef tenderloin with no fat around it.  That's about the extent of my bacon intake.  Oh...and I like crumbled-up bacon on top of a salad, too.  Sorry to burst your bubble.

And when I cook bacon instead of cooking it in a skillet on the cooktop, with the finished product just laying there in a pool of grease, I cook it on top of paper towels in the microwave.  I like mine slightly crispy.

Looking online, however, I've found some recipes for various "bacon-infused" products that I think might have originated in the minds of people who could actually use a few days at Betty Ford.  For example:

How about a bacon, coffee and vodka "breakfastini"?

And the ever popular bacon and hard liquor. (OK, this one isn't so far fetched.)

White chocolate and bacon cookies, anyone?

Screw "sweet tooth".   How about "bacon tooth"?

And finally, for the guy who's both bacon obsessed and sexually innovative...

'Nuff said.

Have a great weekend everyone.  *off to the pharmacy*  ;)

S

The coming "Aporkalypse"

The news reported yesterday that within a year we might be facing a serious shortage of bacon.  I'm sure that would also include pork chops, ham and other assorted pig parts, but of most concern to me is bacon.  It seems the drought has caused pig farmers to thin their herds (?), which means by next year bacon might be scarce.

Doesn't it look good?  Yum!  I love it, but since I know it can't be that good for me, I eat it sparingly.

All this brings to mind the time years ago when I tried my luck in the pig farming bidness.  I had a trash-haul guy, Eddie, who owned some land in the country about 50 miles north of Dallas.  He was always looking for a way to make some extra money, and that included raising pigs, goats, cattle....anything legal....and maybe even a few things not legal.  I never asked.

One day he approached me offering a joint venture deal.  It worked like this:  I would give him $500 and he would buy some piglets.  Then he would take them to his property and feed them, and when they were "porky" enough, he'd sell them and we'd split 50-50.   Sure, why not.

Shockingly, after 4 months and 1 week I received a check payable to me from the Bonham (TX) livestock auction for $1,154.  That's about a 400% annual return.  WOW!  

He asked if I wanted to do it again, and I said absolutely!  My brother even wanted in this time.  I briefly thought about giving him $10,000, but I really didn't trust him that much.  His could have been a small-time Ponzi scheme for all I knew. I stuck with another $500.  

This time, however, it took 10 months before he handed me $900 cash for my $500 investment.  As I had already figured out that pigs grew fast, I deduced he sold our bacon months earlier and floated himself a loan.  Sneaky, but I still couldn't complain.

I've often thought maybe I should have stuck with it and applied to the Agriculture Department for a "Not-Raising-Pigs Subsidy".  I could have started by not raising a few dozen pigs, then a few hundred, and over time upped that to not raising several thousand a year.  (Isn't that how the government works?)  I could have been a pigless pig farming mogul by now!

Wonder why when Wall Street is on fire they call it a Bull Market?  Why not a Pork Market?  Seems to me that's where the big investment opportunity is.

S