Marketing courses at business schools all across the land teach how to appeal to people with her mentality. They're studying her like psychologists study rats in a maze.
"What classes you taking this semester, Bill?"
"Oh, you know, the usual....B law 314, statistics 421, management 330, and Advanced Kelly 4540."
I have periodic garage sales just to get the gadgets she "couldn't live without" out of the house to make room for the next batch of gadgets I know she'll be bringing home soon.
She has waffle makers, panini makers, tea makers, mixers, food processors, crock pots, a "Magic Bullet" blender, some kind of big fancy blender, a mandolin, multiple coffee makers that were "to die for" last week, but this week are just not cool anymore.
These garage sales often come back to bite me in the ass when she sees an advertisement for a gizmo that she once had, then I sold, and now she wants again. She's gone full circle....she's become a serial same-gadget buyer.
I tolerate all those kitcheny things because, honestly, I eat very well. And besides, they're not very expensive....$40 here, $60 there....they're not breaking the bank.
Kelly's vision of Heaven
Her electronic gadgets are a whole 'nuther matter, however. Those little electronic bastards cost a fortune! Here are the ones she's had that I can remember:
HP laptop
HP NetBook
iMac (mine now)
MacBook
Nintendo Wii
Kindle, generation 1
Kindle, generation 2
Kindle Paperwhite
Kindle Fire
Google Nexxus
Samsung Galaxy S2
iPod Shuffle
iPod Nano
iPad, generation 1
iPad Mini
iPhone 3
iPhone 3S
iPhone 5
There are probably more, but my brain is too shell-shocked to remember them all.
Today she saw on Facebook that one of her friends accidentally washed his iPod Nano, so she said she was going to sell him her old one. I can see what's coming next: She bought it for $160 a month ago, now she'll sell it used for $80, and a month from now Apple will unveil a "new, improved version in 10 striking new colors", and of course she'll just have to have one for the pre-order super-sweet "better hurry 'cause they won't last long at this price" of $180.
Publicly Apple will say the higher price is due to "raw material price increases", but among themselves they'll just giggle and call it the "Kelly premium".
I'm considering an intervention. (Who am I kidding. I don't have a chance in hell of pulling it off. :)
S
