Looks like I'll be checking out soon

Ugh!  Just take me now.

I saw a story online this morning....and we all know everything on the internet is true....that said there are 11 foods that are so contaminated with bacteria and other yucky crawly things they are likely to kill you.  Then it went on to list my diet!

Meat and poultry....Yes, I eat a modest amount of both.

Leafy greens....I like a salad on occasion, even though some improperly washed lettuce likely was the source of my food poisoning a couple weeks ago.

Eggs....That's been my Sunday breakfast ritual since I was a kid. 

Tuna....I made some tuna salad just last week.

Oysters....I tried to eat them once but my mouth rejected them.

Potatoes....Love 'em.  You cook 'em, I'll eat 'em.

Berries....I have several varieties in the refrig right now.

Sprouts....I swore off them a few years ago after a near death experience.

Tomatoes....I eat them daily when they're in season....like right now.

Cheese....Some smoked Gouda is on my tapas lunch menu for today.

Ice cream....I have a half gallon in the freezer at all times.  I currently have some Blue Bell Pralines 'n Cream.

Luckily I'm still allowed bread.  It said that most people will have "sub-optimal results" (like a slow, painful death?) with a gluten-free diet.  Good, 'cause I like glute.

Until I read this I didn't realize I was virtually on life support.  (Apparently reading will kill you, too.)

You're all invited to my wake.  Casual, of course.  I've requested some fine Single-Malt Scotch be served.  Cheers!

S