Monday, August 18, 2014

Another milestone

I can remember back when I turned 50 I received an application in the mail to join AARP.  I thought, "Hey, let's not rush this!"

Then when I turned 60 I began receiving literature from companies wanting to sell me handicap mobility scooters.  I thought, "Hold on there Kemo Sabe!  I can walk just fine."

I'll soon be turning 64 and a few days ago I received a catalog from the Duluth Trading Co.  I've received them before, but as they say their stuff is for loggers, carpenters, plumbers etc, I never paid them much attention.  

They're mainly work know, the kind of pants that have reinforced knees and carpenter's pants with cargo pockets on cargo pockets.  I do my best to avoid activities that require me to need reinforced knees and pants with pockets to hide tools in.

But yesterday just by chance I actually looked at the Duluth catalog and discovered to my dismay that I'm solidly in their target demographic:

They have shirts that can cure my Dunlaps Disease.

And if I should ever fall down while holding a pipe wrench I won't feel any unwanted drafts, which is a huge relief!  (Oh, is that what those reinforced knees are for?  Hmm....clever.)

I don't think their "Ballroom Jeans" have anything to do with elegant, formal soirees, but they will enable me to "crouch without the ouch", something I constantly worry about.

Thank you crouch gusset!  They claim if I wear them I won't sing soprano.  'Course, those who have heard me sing say they don't want me singing baritone or bass, either.

Is this a common cause of death for....umm....mature men....being attacked by a moose?  Is this how it will end?  Well, not for this guy!  Not if I get me a Free Swingin' Flannel shirt.  Now I'll be able to pull out its tongue and "whack & hack like a limberjack".  And apparently chop firewood like a lumberjack too.  Sweet!  (There must already be a lot of Free Swingin' Flannel kinda guys around here, which is why there are no moose left in Frisco, TX.)

So please take note dear Mother-In-Law:  Please don't give me any more of those skinny, tapered button-popping Polo shirts for Christmas.  I no longer fit in skinny, tapered button-popping Polo clothes.  My new haberdasher is the Duluth Trading Co.  (I could use an axe, though.)



  1. Haha. Excellent selection. And your philosophy “I do my best to avoid activities that require me to need reinforced knees and pants with pockets to hide tools in.” is also my philosophy.

  2. I need something to cure my Dunlap disease!

  3. I've got an extra sawbuck I'm willing to contribute to that fund to buy you a new ax. Ha!

  4. LOL - you are a nut. And, um NO AXE FOR YOU! That's just asking for trouble :)

  5. Who needs historical romance when there are catalogs who talk about cracks and crotches! it warm in here?

  6. I could use a pair of those no Soprano jeans for the giant step up to check the rotor head on the helicopter. For now, I do a pants push down to perform that task. Enjoyed the post.