Then when I turned 60 I began receiving literature from companies wanting to sell me handicap mobility scooters. I thought, "Hold on there Kemo Sabe! I can walk just fine."
I'll soon be turning 64 and a few days ago I received a catalog from the Duluth Trading Co. I've received them before, but as they say their stuff is for loggers, carpenters, plumbers etc, I never paid them much attention.
They're mainly work clothes....you know, the kind of pants that have reinforced knees and carpenter's pants with cargo pockets on cargo pockets. I do my best to avoid activities that require me to need reinforced knees and pants with pockets to hide tools in.
But yesterday just by chance I actually looked at the Duluth catalog and discovered to my dismay that I'm solidly in their target demographic:
They have shirts that can cure my Dunlaps Disease.
And if I should ever fall down while holding a pipe wrench I won't feel any unwanted drafts, which is a huge relief! (Oh, is that what those reinforced knees are for? Hmm....clever.)
I don't think their "Ballroom Jeans" have anything to do with elegant, formal soirees, but they will enable me to "crouch without the ouch", something I constantly worry about.
Thank you crouch gusset! They claim if I wear them I won't sing soprano. 'Course, those who have heard me sing say they don't want me singing baritone or bass, either.
Is this a common cause of death for....umm....mature men....being attacked by a moose? Is this how it will end? Well, not for this guy! Not if I get me a Free Swingin' Flannel shirt. Now I'll be able to pull out its tongue and "whack & hack like a limberjack". And apparently chop firewood like a lumberjack too. Sweet! (There must already be a lot of Free Swingin' Flannel kinda guys around here, which is why there are no moose left in Frisco, TX.)
So please take note dear Mother-In-Law: Please don't give me any more of those skinny, tapered button-popping Polo shirts for Christmas. I no longer fit in skinny, tapered button-popping Polo clothes. My new haberdasher is the Duluth Trading Co. (I could use an axe, though.)