A sign of our times

If you've had the opportunity to travel around the US much, and if you've been paying attention, you've probably noticed how much one place looks like every other.  If you want to go out for dinner, you'll find lots of Olive Garden's, Outback's, Chili's, Applebee's, McDonald's and Taco Bell's, but you'll have to look hard to find a Mama's Cafe.

Most towns will have multiple branches of Bank of America, Citibank, Chase, and Wells Fargo, but it's doubtful you'll still find a local First National Bank.  You'll find lots of Chevy, Ford, Dodge, and Toyota dealers that may have a sign that says "Proudly serving _____ since 1974", but if you'll Google it you'll probably find it's now owned by one of the hundred-dealer auto conglomerates.

You probably won't find a local Tip Top Grocery, but you'll find plenty of 7-11's, Quick Trip's, and RaceTrac's.  And almost all sell gas, too, which has put the locally owned and operated 4-pump Exxon's and Texaco's out of business.  Grocery stores are now dominated by big names like Walmart and Kroger's.  Find yourself in need of a pair of pliers or a screwdriver?  You'll likely find a Lowe's or Home Depot before you find a Floyd's Hardware.

Have an unexpected day free for some fishing?  You'll burn up a tank of gas looking for Bubba's Bait and Tackle, while you drive right past Cabela's, Bass Pro Shop, Academy, and Dick's.  Need a dress shirt?  Ken's Man's Shoppe is long gone, replaced by Men's Wearhouse, Dillard's, and Joseph A Bank's.  Rick's Furniture was killed off by the likes of Nebraska Furniture Mart and Haverty's, who are themselves now keeping a wary eye on Wayfair.

This is true for every midsize and large city I've been to in recent years.  It may or may not be true if you're in some place like East Bull Turd, Alabama.  Even then, if East Bull Turd happens to be within 30 or 40 miles of a major city, it will soon be a growing suburb and will see this phenomenon, too.  And if it's too far away to attract city commuters, then it will likely continue to just wither away.

The little guys don't stand a chance these days, and even the big guys are now feeling the heat from the 500-pound gorilla in the room....Amazon.  I guess it's true what they say:  "The only thing constant is change."  *sigh*

S

Trump v Amazon

President Donald Trump giving Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos an earful.

President Trump is at it again.  *sigh*  His mouth is in overdrive, and his brain is in neutral.  His latest target is Amazon, the retailing behemoth.  Da Prez claims Amazon is ripping off the Treasury by not paying enough taxes, and is cheating the USPS, aka the Post Office, by not paying their fair share for shipping. I'm sure his displeasure has nothing to do with the fact that Bezos also owns the Washington Post, which has some very aggressive investigative reporters who have uncovered all sorts of Trump shenanigans.

Trump says Amazon is costing the USPS billions of dollars, financially breaking an already broke Post Office.  The only problem with that is it's not true.  No less than the Postal Regulatory Commission says the USPS makes a profit from its Amazon business, which subsidizes its other services.  In fact, as I recall, Amazon not long ago made a commitment to help keep the USPS afloat by maintaining or even increasing its business with them.  They had an ulterior motive for doing this, of course:  they didn't want to put all their eggs in only FedEx and UPS's basket. 

Now, about the state and federal government treasuries getting short changed.  Umm, President Trump, would you please show us YOUR taxes?  Have you not taken advantage of all the tax breaks YOU were legally allowed?  Of course you have, but somehow it's not OK if Amazon does the same?  

The truth is, Amazon pays state sales taxes on products they sell in those states where they have an actual physical presence.  In other words, if they have, for example, a warehouse or "Fulfillment Center" in a state, they pay that state sales taxes on everything they sell there.  But if you'll pay attention to Amazon's website you'll see that some of the things you can buy there are actually shipped from independent cooperating retailers, and THEY don't pay state sales taxes if THEY don't have a physical presence in the state they're shipping to.  While it does sound like an end run, it's legal.  Don't like the law?  Take a number....our tax code is hopelessly rigged.  And don't look to congress for a remedy.  They're the rig-ers.

If President Trump wants to pick on Amazon, why doesn't he point out all the local businesses they have helped close down over the years?  Why is Amazon allowed to keep buying up other businesses, like Zappos and Whole Foods, hastening its eventual stranglehold on American consumers?  "Economy of scale" is a double edged sword.  Bigger is definitely better....if you're big.  But if you're a small business, not so much.  It seems to me consumers are just unwitting pawns in their "bigger" game. 

S

Now hiring...no interview necessary...just show up

I have an honest question for you, a question that I don't have the answer to.  I'm hoping you do.

Thankfully our economy is flying high.  Our official unemployment rate is around 4%, which I've always heard was considered "full employment".  Those final 4% who weren't employed (and perhaps that many more who weren't even looking) were often said to prefer welfare to a minimum wage job, couldn't pass a drug test, had a violent criminal history, etc, which made them "unemployable".

In my area (Dallas) there are "help wanted" signs everywhere you turn, especially in food service and retail.  In the construction field additional plumbers, electricians, carpenters, etc, are desperately needed.  The same goes for the health care industry, too.

Now Congress has passed and the President has signed a tax cut bill hoping that many companies will plan major expansions and create millions of new jobs.  So far there have already been announcements by Intel, Apple, Amazon, and many more that they are now hiring.  Right now Amazon is looking for a location to build a second headquarters (what exactly is a second headquarters?) promising 50,000 jobs to the winning city....on and on.

The Trump administration is threatening to deport the "dreamers", kids who were brought here by their parents who entered the US illegally.  They say there are 800,000 dreamers who are here now in school, in the military, and working.  If those who are now employed are deported, that will mean even more job vacancies.

My question is now obvious.  Where are we going to find quality candidates to fill all the positions we already have, plus the new jobs being created, plus the vacancies created by dreamers (and others) leaving, plus normal job attrition?  

It sounds like we're already scraping the bottom of the employment pool barrel right now.  Isn't this likely to mean a wild bidding spree by employers, driving up wages and salaries for those willing to change jobs?  Good for employees, sure, but won't that also create serious inflationary pressures?

This reminds me of the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for."  It's truly a blessing to have this "problem", but please tell me, where are all these new workers going to come from?

S

And the beat goes on....

Before I ever heard the term "sociology" I was fascinated by the subject.  Why did our society develop the way it did?  Why do we live the way we do?

Sometimes we're too close to the forest to see the trees.  Things are changing dramatically before our eyes, but I sometimes think we're too busy to truly recognize how revolutionary this change has been.  Here's what I've seen in just my 67 years walking upright:

My family did their weekly grocery shopping at Wyatt's.  When we went out for dinner (which was often in my house) we usually went to Plaza Cafeteria or Harris Restaurant or CreMel's.  To get our prescriptions filled we went to Payne's Drug Store, which was just a block away from our other local pharmacy, McKnights.  Our theater was the Plaza in downtown Garland.

For a good hamburger we went to Scott's Cafe.  (I was named after the Scott family.  It must have been a damn fine hamburger!)  Payne's Drug Store's soda fountain was our go-to place for ice cream, too.  Our sporting goods store was on Garland Road near Duck Creek (I can't remember its name).  We bought furniture from Rick's Furniture, and appliances from Hollingshead's.  We bought cars from Ken Pruitt Buick, R O Evans Pontiac, Freeman Oldsmobile, or Jackson's Chevrolet.  Mr Thedford was our mechanic.

For a new bicycle or lawnmower or anything hardware we went to see Mr Lloyd at Plaza Hardware.  (There were a lot of businesses named "Plaza" in our town.  Wonder why?)  Our news came from one of the two Dallas newspapers (and 30 minutes a day from Walter Cronkite).  Homes were built by local builders.  I remember ours was built by a Mr Satterwhite. 

The best barbecue came from Moore's, the best donuts came from the Asian family whose name I can't recall, and our tamales were made by the Hispanic man that sold them from a push cart on the town square.  Mom bought her clothes from Stern's, and dad and I went to Jim Holland's Men's Wear or Ken's Man's Shoppe.  Our bank was the First National.

Did you notice a common theme here?  Every business I mentioned was locally owned by one of our neighbors.  Today these have all been replaced by national chain stores, run by people we'll never meet, often from a thousand miles away.  Home Depot put Plaza Hardware out of business.  Pharmacies are now monopolized by CVS or Walgreens.  Restaurants are now most likely to be named Chili's or Applebee's or McDonald's or Red Lobster.  Most people get their groceries from Walmart or Target or Kroger.  Whether you realize it or not almost all car dealers are now part of giant dealership conglomerates.  24/7/365 cable news now dominates how (and what) we learn what's going on in the world.  On and on....

Now this second generation of retail businesses are themselves fighting for their lives.  Thousands are closing every year, and it's estimated that 20% of America's malls will close within five years.  Retailers are calling this time absolutely apocalyptic.  

Today we're entering the Age-of-Cyber-Everything, and the prototype is without doubt Amazon.  (Thank you Mr Bezos, or curse your Mr Bezos....TBD.)  Millions of hometown businesses were replaced by a few thousand national chains, and now those are well on their way to being replaced by...what...ultimately just a few hundred MEGA players?

I find this fascinating, and somewhat frightening, too.  Wonder what's next?  Interesting times....

S

Killing the goose that laid the golden egg

Capitalism is described as "an economic and political system in which a country's trade and industry are controlled by private owners for profit."  That's it in a nutshell, and it's worked better and benefited more people than any other economic system the world has ever known.  But somewhere along the way our system of classic capitalism has been compromised, subverted, and dare I say even perverted.

My brother and I are the owners of a privately held corporation, meaning the two of us are the only stockholders.  On an almost daily basis we do things above and beyond what is required by any regulation because we feel it is the right way to do business.  This costs us a bit more to deliver our product, and reduces our profits somewhat, but we're still doing OK, and our clients say they appreciate our extra effort and attention.  We'll never get rich doing business this way because we're "leaving money on the table", but we sleep well at night.

Today's publicly held corporations can't afford to leave money on the table.  They must lie, cheat, and steal to squeeze every last penny from their customers.  If they don't, their thousands of stockholders will demand a change in executive leadership and/or dump their stock, possibly tanking the company.  If their product can be made the slightest bit cheaper, they'll do it.  Cutting corners has become a fine art.  Profits come first, always!

Consider this:  Pharmaceutical manufacturers employ tens of thousands of brilliant researchers who spend years developing and testing new drugs that improve our quality of life, and in many cases actually save lives.  They're amazing people doing incredible work.  God bless them!

One of their creations was "opiods", drugs that can help those with chronic pain.  This was a godsend for those hurting.  But according to the new rules of what I call "perverted capitalism", pharmaceutical company executives have no qualms at all about turning these miracle drugs into an addictive nightmare for millions (?) of people.  Opiod abuse has now become a national crisis.  Lives and families have been torn apart, all so the drug makers can maximize their profits.  Shame on them!

And, yes, they know exactly what they're doing.  They know they're producing many times more opioids every year than can safely be prescribed and used by actual patients.  Through their lobbyists they even pushed a bill through Congress last year that prohibited the Drug Enforcement Administration (the DEA) from investigating and interdicting massive opioid shipments to "suspicious" distributors.  Had the drug companies failed, the DEA would have put a huge dent in their profits, and to them their profits are more important than peoples lives.  That's just wrong!

Then we have corporate mergers that have the effect of reducing competition and inflating their bottom lines.  Remember when we had Exxon and Mobil and Chevron and Texaco?  Now we have Exxon/Mobil and Chevron/Texaco.  United and Continental merged to form the new United Airlines.  Delta and Northwest merged to form the new Delta Airlines.  American and US Air merged to form the new American Airlines.  Fares are up, and customer satisfaction is down, but airline profits are at record highs.  

Remember when Macy's, Neiman Marcus, Lord and Taylor, Saks Fifth Avenue, and many others were all independent companies?  Now they're all owned by giant retail conglomerates.  Walmart and Amazon have taken over their sectors, too.  Remember local hardware stores, mom and pop restaurants, community banks, and independent car dealerships?  There are relatively few still in business, left behind in the race to merge, "increase synergy", and maximize profits.

And do I even need to mention corporate subsidies, aka "corporate welfare"?  What the hell is that all about?  Did they think we wouldn't notice?

I've heard it said your "character" is defined by how you behave when no one is looking.  If that's so, then many of our players today have terrible character.

It's no longer about doing what's right, but only about what will make the most money and what they can get away with.  At many businesses today doing "right" will get you fired, that's how cold blooded we've become. We're being attacked from within, and we're losing.  Capitalism in 2017 is NOT your daddy's capitalism!

S

The Discount Society

We've become a discount society. In fairness, most of the rest of the world is right on our heals, but I think this is one area where we really are still Number 1.

I doubt Walmart started it, but they certainly epitomize it today.  When did this happen?  I can remember when I was a kid we weren't so concerned about beating the other guy down into an "I win, you lose" position.  We did expect to negotiate on the price of a car, but most everything else was priced fairly straight forward.

We bought most of our clothes at the local "haberdasher" (except we didn't call it that).  You wanted a shirt or a pair of pants, you went to Ken's Mans Shop.  An appliance, Hollinshead's.  Hardware....Plaza's.  Groceries....Wyatt's.  Our pharmacy was Payne's.  They posted an honest price right up front and we paid it.  We knew each other, we were neighbors (literally), and we all did pretty well.  "Amazon" was still just a river in Brazil.

Those days are gone.  Today we buy our clothes at mega-conglomerate superstores (Macy's), appliances come from one or the other big box home stores as does our hardware, our pharmacy is more likely to be a huge national chain (Walgreens, CVS), and our groceries come from Kroger, Safeway, or increasingly, Walmart.  Even our shoes come from Discount Shoe Warehouse, and our tires from Discount Tire.  They even put "discount" right up front in their name! 

To make this theme work, the first discounters, among other moves, demanded employees work for much less than they had before.  This meant the business could cut their price, gain market share, yet still make the same profit (maybe more) for their owners.  But they were counting on everyone else still having plenty of disposable income to buy whatever they were selling.

Oops.  That's where it all hit the fan.  It wasn't long before virtually every business became "discount" oriented.  It became an all out war.  Perpetual "sales" became the norm.  Manufacturers were sucked in to the price cut war, too.  Wage and benefit concessions, or at least curbs on raises, were demanded from all.   If they weren't forthcoming, the business relocated to a new low wage location, often overseas. 

At first we loved it. We could buy cool stuff for less than ever.  WooHoo!  But now we've learned the meaning of an increasingly popular term, "unintended consequences".  Now we HAVE to shop at discount stores because that's all we can afford. 

This is the age of Bigger Is Better.  All the small entrepreneurs I know are just trying to build their businesses up to the point they can sell out.  If they get too successful and attract the attention of the Big Boys, they get promptly squashed.

The days of each generation having it better than the previous one are over.  At least that's what the 20-somethings living with their parents while they try to pay off their mountain of college loan debt tell me.  

I have no answers as to how we can make things better.  I doubt there IS a way we can make things better.  The genie is NOT going back in the bottle.

The Discount Society has morphed into today's "Settle Society", as in, "I guess I'll have to settle for that".

The takeaway lesson:  We really do need to be careful what we wish for.  Often times things don't work out as planned.

Hey, it's just an observation.  Don't shoot the messenger.

S

I'm scared to know where this is going

"When I'm good, I'm very good.  When I'm bad, I'm better." ~~Mae West

Every Friday night K and I have our date night out.  It's always dinner and then maybe a bookstore visit or shopping this weeks Big Sale before the crush on Saturday, etc.   The funniest thing is, we live in the heart of restaurant country, there are literally 100+ places to eat within a couple of miles of home, yet we have trouble picking one.  

Every cuisine you can imagine is somewhere in the vicinity, but somehow we have a hard time picking a place we can both agree on.  One thing that is always high on my list but is always poo-pooed by K is barbecue.  I love a plain 'ol simple barbecue joint.  She says she always comes out smelling like wood smoke.

I have no idea why she thinks that.  I tell her it's all in her head, but she's adamant....NO BARBECUE!  If I want barbecue I have to go there by myself when she's over visiting her mama or working a little late. 

Last night she came home from work and I asked her, "What sounds good for dinner tonight?"  I'm expecting a half hour of, "How about Romano's?"  

"No."  

"OK then, how about Anamias?"  

"No.  Maybe Jasons?"

Instead, the first words out of her mouth were, "How about barbecue?"

OMG....OMG!  What has she done?  Did she wreck the car?  Did she run up a gazillion dollar charge on her credit card buying books on Amazon?  (She already has a dozen or more unread ones waiting in line.)  I know....she's wanting to drag me to some Star Wars convention?

  

Then she said, "And Saturday evening the Northampton Saints (my favorite rugby team) are playing [some French team] in a Heineken Cup match and it's gonna be on TV!"

Oh Dear God....this is worse than I thought.  WHAT IS SHE UP TO?

So far we've had some great barbecue and I bought a new Car magazine at the bookstore last night.  That's it.  She hasn't tipped her hand yet. 

I'm scared.  

Stay tuned.

S

You live by technology, you die by technology

Technology really kicked my ass yesterday.  My business email just vanished.  Pffffft!  I can't access my business website, and my email can't forward (link?) over to my personal email account.  I used to log in to my personal Yahoo account, then I could skip back and forth between the two emails....been doing it that way for years.

And I use my biz email as my "paper trail".  I have thousands of emails saved, available to refer back to if needed.  Where'd they go?  

K says they're on a cloud somewhere, but I have no idea which one.  So what am I supposed to do?  Call Google, Yahoo, Apple, Amazon, the NSA, etc and ask 'em if they have my stuff?  And if they do, I'm sure they're gonna want a password.  

"Sure, here's 50....let's try 'em all and see if one of them works."  I'll be "locked out" after the first 3 and have the FBI after me for suspicion of hacking.  DUH!

And on a non-technology matter, even dinner kicked my ass, too.  The little jingle on TV said, "Any footlong Subway sandwich....$5 all month long."  So I went to get K and me a footlong Chicken Bacon Ranch Melt for dinner last night.  They made it, toasted it, put on my toppings, wrapped it up, and then said, "That will be $7.75."  

"Umm....what happened to $5?"

She pointed to the small print on the bottom of the menu 15 feet up in the air, 30 feet behind the counter.  It said, "Any footlong except the Chicken Bacon Ranch Melt".  Those bastards!

Then back home I pulled up my ATT Uverse app on my iPad to check the TV schedule and it said I had no favorites saved.  Bullshit!  

It wants me to look through 800 channels just to find the 10 or so I actually watch?  I've been looking at it every evening for months.  I know I have them saved.  Where'd they go?  

Then I tried to log out and then back in, and it said it couldn't find the server.  It...couldn't...find...the...server?  How do you lose an entire $%^& server?  Aren't they the size of a refrigerator?

Is there some weird sunspot activity going on?  I mean, why me?  Why couldn't it smite Iran or North Korea or Cleveland?

*sigh*

S

Not sure what to think of this one....

Sacre bleu!

I read in ze news that the French Senate has unanimously passed a bill that says online booksellers (read: Amazon) can offer consumers either a 5% discount or free shipping, but not both.

My first reaction was, "Why would the French government not want their constituents to get the best deal they could?"  Why, that's just downright un-American!  Umm....wait....

But then I realized they're just trying to keep the smaller booksellers from going out of business.  They're just trying to save jobs.  Hmmm...

But....but....free enterprise....the market....   

It's a real conundrum for sure.  Of course entrepreneurs should be encouraged to bring their new ideas to market.  What if the old school had tried to stifle Thomas Edison or Henry Ford or Steve Jobs?  But at some point you have to wonder how far this should go.  

It's one thing to keep the competition on their toes, but if pricing becomes so predatory (prices so low, sometimes at or even below cost....at least until they get a near-monopoly) they force the smaller competitors out of business entirely, is this really in the consumers best interest?

I think we're now seeing that airline consolidation in America is going to work against the consumer.  (Check fares on the "low cost" carriers.  They're not so low any more.)  It will be great for the airlines and their stockholders, but consumers will pay more.

And now that just 5 big banks control the majority of the banking biz, do you see yourself getting better service or lower fees?  When is the last time you got a free toaster from a hungry bank wanting to gain market share?  Their attitudes sure changed, didn't they?

Major appliance manufacturers are worried, too. That's why, contrary to popular opinion, the big box retailers (Home Depot, Lowe's) do NOT get better wholesale pricing than the mid-sized retailers.  They know that if the big boxes get better pricing and put the smaller guys out of business, then the 2 boxes will in effect "own" the manufacturers.  The manufacturers don't want to lose control.

So more competition is good.  The government should just butt out and let the market do it's thing.  And less competition is bad.  The government should step in and make sure the big don't get too big.  (Don't kid yourself.  Our anti-monopoly regulators are not at all pro-active.)

DOH!  See, conundrum.  We don't live in a black or white world anymore.  Think about it.

S

Buy, Buy, Buy!

So I just have to ask....why are you sitting at your computer reading this when there is "stuff" still on store shelves that needs buying?  SLACKER!  

Black Friday has been officially declared a bust.  Sales were down 1.7% compared to last year.  The hope now is that CyberMonday sales can make up for it.  If not, the economies of the free world will collapse, and it will all be YOUR fault!

The statistics guys are trotting out one possible excuse for the poor sales numbers is that, because of the lateness of Thanksgiving this year, there are 6 fewer shopping days before Christmas.  So what?  Doesn't that just mean you're going to have to shop faster to buy everything you'll give to friends and family?  Are you going to just dump a few names from your list because you "ran out of time"?  Are you really going to pick family winners and losers?  Good luck with that!

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Here's something interesting I just heard:  If you're shopping online at, say, Amazon, and you don't complete your order and just abandon your "shopping cart", you're likely to receive an email from them a little later saying that shopping cart item has been miraculously reduced, "hurry, limited time only, act NOW!"  But oddly, people using an Apple computer are generally NOT extended as good of a cut rate price as someone using an old fashioned PC.  That's because Apple users are generally viewed as willing to pay more.  THOSE BASTARDS!

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Thinking a bit deeper, this is what legitimately concerns me about our shopping habits today:  Our society wants a "deal" on everything we buy.  We seem to forget it's pretty much a "zero-sum" game....for every winner, there's also a loser.  For you to get your deal, someone else takes a hit.  

Sure, some things are getting cheaper because technology is improving, making them less expensive to produce.  But that's also likely to mean someone lost their job to a robot.  Or your neighbor lost his job to someone in China or Bangladesh.  Or someone took a pay cut in order to keep from being laid off.

You say "not my problem, I've got mine"?  But for how long?  If those are the people YOUR company is hoping to sell YOUR product to, and they are no longer able to buy what you're selling, well, it's a vicious race to the bottom.  That's one reason middle-class incomes have been stagnant for the past 20 years (after accounting for inflation).

I'm afraid the one thing Walmart and the other discounters have taught us how to do is shoot ourselves in the foot.  *sigh*

S  

And you thought YOU were having a bad day....

The Pakistani Taliban ruling council has chosen this man ^, Mullah Fazlullah, as their new leader.  This came after their previous leader, Hakimullah Mehsud, was killed in an American drone strike, as was the guy before him, and the guy before him, too.  Minutes of the ruling council meeting were obtained by the BBC and show that Mr. Fazlullah was the only member missing from their monthly business meeting and goat roast luncheon.

After he was tracked down and given the news of his election, he was reported to have said, "THANKS A LOT MOTHER F__KERS!"  *Oh yeah....Allahu Akbar*

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And it may not be such a good time to be a Tea Party member, either.  Today's headline read, "GOP Weighs Limiting Clout of Right Wing".  It goes on to say, "Leaders of the Republican establishment are pushing their party to rethink how it chooses nominees and advocating changes they say would result in less extreme contenders."  

They want open primaries instead of state caucuses or conventions, which they say can be more easily hijacked by extremists.  Seems they realize the Tea Party is a long term losing cause for them. 

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And finally, the Big get bigger:  Amazon is reaching out to small independent bookstores with a joint marketing scheme.  Amazon wants them to sell it's Kindle eReaders, and in return the stores can then also get a cut of whatever Amazon makes selling books to these new Kindle owners (for 2 years).  Seems Amazon isn't selling as many new Kindles as they would like since both Target and Walmart stopped carrying them.  Win-win?

I have mixed emotions about this one.  I'm a big fan of Amazon, and buy lots of stuff from them, including both books and ebooks.  They're cheaper, and they come right to my door with free shipping (preferred customer thing).  But I still go to the local bookstore and look around there, too. I would hate to see them all go out of business.  

Is this Amazon offer a way to keep the small locals alive, or just a way to put a few more nails in their coffin? 

Who knows.  All I know is I have a load of groceries waiting to be bought.  Gotta go.  :)

S

The opening salvo of World (cyber) War I

Cyber Command Central, located in a secure underground location in Montana.

It began with an excited, almost hysterical call from a Miz Kelly Park of Frisco, Tx.  She reported that the internet was down.  Not just Facebook, but Google, Pintrest and all the rest were black, too.  An immediate check with CNN, Fox News, and the Home Shopping Network mentioned nothing about the attack, leading Miz Park to believe re-runs had been inserted to make it appear all was normal.  

"It's started", said Air Force Maj. Gen. Ralphie Jordan, head of Cyber Command.

"The Event" had been widely anticipated for quite some time.  China's Peoples Liberation Army Unit 61398, their crack unit of government sanctioned hackers, was immediately suspect.  In past bank hacking incidents the origin had been traced back to a non-descript office building in Bejing, and this is where Cyber Warriors loyal to President Brick O'Bama immediately focused their attention.

Efforts were made to inform the President who is currently traveling in Africa, but nobody in Washington could find the area code for Senegal, and the only State Department official who actually knows where Senegal is was with the President, acting as his guide and food and water taster.  Using Constitutional protocol, Vice President Biden assumed command in Washington during the crisis.

Cyber-nerd reservists were immediately activated and ordered to report to their mother's basements and man their computers.  Auxiliary internet channel 6 was powered up, which fortunately was found to be unfazed by the hostilities.

It was assumed there was chaos in the streets all across America, and perhaps even Europe and Australia, too, but as Twitter was knocked off the broadband no one could be sure.  The fear now is that in 9 months there will be one or more babies born to nerd couples who were so bored without their internet they actually tried sex.

One hour and 38 minutes after it began, Reserve Cyber Officer Sheldon Sakowitz phoned Miz Park and asked her to try tightening the coaxial cable connection to her router.  She did, and the internet surged back to life.  

The investigation continues this morning with forensic cyber-scientists trying to figure out how Chinese infiltrators made it across the border and on to Frisco, TX where they Beta tested their newest internet-crashing technology.

Miz Park is currently negotiating a book deal with the Kindle division of Amazon to digitize her riveting, near-disastrous brush with internet death.   You can pre-order your copy now for WiFi delivery on July 8, 2013.

S

*Under duress (by Miz Park) I must report portions of this re-creation were slightly enhanced for effect.  But only "slightly". ;)

  

What goes around comes around

I heard just yesterday that a store in Australia will soon institute a $5 "cover charge" to come in and look around.  They say they are trying to discourage people from coming in and trying out whatever it is they sell, then going home and ordering it online.  (If you do buy from them the retailer credits back to you your $5 cover charge.)

Interesting.  I can imagine their frustration with people like ME who look locally, but often buy online.  Not always though....I'll buy locally if the difference is just a few bucks, but for 30% or 40% difference, it's Amazon here I come!

But here's why I don't feel guilty about doing that: The big stores that I shun to order online are generally the same big national stores that blew into town 10-20 years ago and put all the local mom-and-pop stores out of business.  Seems to me they're now getting a taste of their own medicine.  To me this is just retail evolution.

Home Depot didn't shed any tears when they put Plaza Hardware out of business.  Nor did Best Buy show any remorse when they pretty much destroyed Hollingshed's Appliance.  Same with Walgreen's and CVS as they shuttered Payne's Drug Store.  And who killed Larry's Shoes, and do I have to say anything at all about all those little guys Walmart squashed?

Some things I won't buy online or from a catalogue.  Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware both send me a very nice catalogue several times a year full of their new offerings.  I've found their furniture to be of commendable quality, but how do you buy a chair, for example, without sitting on it first?  I don't care what it looks like if it doesn't pass my butt test.

Shoes....I've found that even within the same brand line, shoes can feel different.  I want to try them on in a store and see if a particular style is all-day comfortable.  If so, then it's time to check Zappos, may the best cut-throat mega-retailer win.

And now a plug (unfortunately uncompensated) for my all-time favorite online retailer, LL Bean.  I've just replenished through them my summer wardrobe....3 pair of chino shorts, 3 very nice polo shirts, and 5 (various colored) t-shirts.  And if something is wrong, they make it right, no arguments.  Can't beat that!

If I was a big brick-and-mortar retailer, I'd be scared.  VERY scared.

S

Customer Service....RIP

"Our Director of Customer Service is Helen Wait.  If you want customer service, go to Helen Wait."

Is anyone reading this old enough to remember newspaper boys?

They were usually elementary or jr. high age kids who would make their delivery rounds by bicycle early in the morning before school started.  Part of their job was to deliver the paper TO YOUR PORCH.  Anything less would usually result in a call to the newspaper, who would dispatch the kid back out to knock on your door and hand you your paper, along with an apology.

Later, for whatever reason, the rules were changed.  I guess the kids' work ethic was beginning to slip, so the newspapers gave the kids plastic baggies and told them to bag the papers and just try to hit the front yard.  

Later still, I suppose they couldn't get enough kids to do the job so they recruited adults who had cars to cover larger areas of town.  They would drive down the street at 40 mph and just sling papers out the window.  If it landed anywhere at all on the property it was considered a successful delivery.

IMO today we've hit absolute bottom.  One of the (print) papers I like to read is the Sunday NY Times.  It's printed locally by the Dallas Morning News and distributed by their crack crew of delivery specialists crack heads.  At least every other week....sometimes several weeks in a row....we have to call the paper and remind them who we are, where we live, that we are one of their "valued" customers, and that we want our paper!

I'm surprised they don't just tell us to come on by and pick one up, or better yet, just go on-line and read it there (which is what I do M-Sat) and quit callin' and wakin' em up.  "Paying customers are just so darn demanding these days...sheesh!"

Listen up Amazon, REI, LL Bean, and those handful of others who still have excellent customer service:  Don't let your people mingle with the general public.  Filter the air in your buildings and boil all water before use.  Offer all available immunizations against this insipid "give-a-shit" disease that is devouring customer service across our land.  Your reputation, your very existence even, depends on it!

S

I'm not sure I fully understand the difference between liberal and conservative stances on some issues.  In particular, consumer protection issues.  How is trying to force banks (and lenders in general) to say clearly, right up front and in plain English, what their terms are and what they're going to charge, anything but a good idea?  How is that partisan?  Unless you're a banker or lender intent on snookering the public into thinking they're getting a good deal when in fact you're charging them 28% interest or something like that, how could you not be in favor of such laws?  Where's the down side, unless you're a banker?  


The one thing I've learned from the financial crisis of '08 is that big business can't be trusted to do what's "right".  It's become so bad that as far as I'm concerned the burden of proof is on them to show me they're playing nice.  And to be fair there are a lot who do pass my smell test by honoring their warranties without resorting to loopholes and vague language that to a layman says one thing but legally means another, producing a clearly superior product, etc.   (Examples?....Amazon, REI, LL Bean, Zappos, to name a few.)  I consult Consumer Report regularly, and although I've never tried it, I've heard good things about Angie's List.  I just think it's a shame things have come to this.  Caveat Emptor...."buyer beware"....has never been more true.


What prompted this post was an article I read that told of one insurance company that was suing a bank for misrepresenting a financial instrument the insurance company was covering against default.  Sure enough things fell apart, the insurance company refused to pay up, and both are pointing fingers at each other saying the other side is a crook.  Hahaha....talk about the pot calling the kettle black!  I say a pox on them all.

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On a more pleasant note, tonight it's my turn to pick our date night restaurant, and I'm choosing Anamia's.  We've only been there once before, but it left a grand impression on me.  I can taste it now....yum!  If I can remember to take pictures of our meal before I dive into it I will. 

Happy Friday!

S