In defense of Flight Attendants

Do any of you remember back when commercial flying was considered glamorous?  For us it meant looking forward to going on vacation and NOT having to drive daaaaays to get there.  Flying was a special event.  Flying was actually fun!  A window seat was prized....there's nothing to compare with looking down on terra firma from 30,000 feet!  And since it was expensive, it was a rare treat for us commoners.

My, how times have changed.  Today air travel is a dreaded chore.  With the introduction of low-cost airlines, everyone can now afford to fly....and they do.  The roads to the airport are congested, the parking lot is overflowing, and the lines inside the terminal are loooooooong everywhere you turn.  And then you come face-to-face with the infamous TSA, where they strip search you and feel you up, just to make sure you don't have more than 3 ounces of toothpaste on you.  Oh, and maybe a bomb.

My point is, your nerves are usually frazzled and your snarl is out before you even board your plane.  And this is what flight attendants have to deal with every day.

And back in the day, in the prospective flight attendant's imagination at least, there could be nothing more glamorous than traveling the world, visiting exotic places, meeting the rich and famous, and actually being paid to do it!  *dream job*  They were just conveniently not told that before you could do all that you first had to spend years flying the quick turnarounds to Lubbock or Tulsa or Des Moines.  Once you acquired some seniority, THEN you might could bid for a glamour destination with an overnight.  In reality it was and still is a hard job.

This brings us to where we are today, namely highly publicized violent maulings on aircraft, and just this weekend, a near fistfight between an offended passenger and an American Airlines flight attendant.  When I first saw the cellphone video of the confrontation my gast was totally flabbered!

I've had the privilege of personally knowing many flight attendants over the years, a few very well, and I can tell you that what was shown on that video is NOT the way 99.999% of flight attendants behave.  In the American Airlines incident, the (male) F/A was very recklessly handling a stroller belonging to a traveling mother with her child, who was almost struck.  Strike 1.  Then another passenger, outraged by what he saw, got up out of his seat and aggressively threatened the F/A.  Strike 2.  Finally the F/A freaked out and got right back in it with his finger in customer #2's face.  Strike 3!

But did you also notice the other flight attendants getting the crazed(?) F/A out of the way, pushing him behind the bulkhead away from the situation, and trying to calm things?  (On a related note, did you notice the pilot come out of his hidyhole with his thumb still firmly inserted up his posterior, NOT [noticeably] taking control of the situation?  He should have....it was HIS aircraft!)   Flight attendants regularly have to deal with upset passengers, and I know for a fact they calmly, tactfully, but quite firmly take control and bring order back to their cabin.  They're well trained and very professional.

If you don't like paying $25 for checking an extra bag, don't blame the F/A.  She isn't getting a dime of it.  If you don't like the crappy food they serve, don't blame the F/A.  She didn't prepare it.  If you don't like being told to turn off your electronic devices, don't blame the F/A.  She didn't make the rule.

Flight attendants can have bad days just like the rest of us.  They go through divorces, family sicknesses, financial problems, etc, just like we do.  Life isn't easy in "the tube".  Yet in virtually every instance they still put on a smile, come to work, and serve us.  And the few who crack under the pressure, well, I guess they're just in the wrong line of work.

IMO American Airlines, no doubt learning from the earlier United Airlines fiasco, responded perfectly to this situation.  They apologized immediately and publicly, and even upgraded their mistreated passenger and her family to First Class for the rest of their international travel.

Wanna have a nice flight?  Try this:  Discretely give your flight attendant a small (still factory wrapped*) box of Andie's Candies (delicious chocolate mints), or something similar, and invite her to share them with the rest of the flight crew.  After all they put up with, it's a gesture they'll appreciate, and I promise they'll respond with the best TLC you could ever imagine. 

S

*  so they'll know it hasn't been tampered with....you can't be too careful these days

    

But wait....there's MORE!

The TV news last night had a brief story on the great disparity of airline ticket prices.  You might have paid $500 for your seat while the person sitting next to you paid just $200.  Why is that?  All the news said is the airlines wouldn't discuss it.

I don't know why....it's really pretty simple.  Their system is called "yield management" and its goal is to not leave any $$$ on the table when the plane takes off.  Their computers know exactly how many seats on each flight, to each destination, on every day of the week, every month of the year, should be sold 21 days out, 14 days out, 7 days out, 3 days out, (actually hour-to-hour) right up to the time of departure.

If, for example, they know that 21 days out Flight 1234 to Seattle should already have 50 seats sold, but instead has only 40 seats sold, they'll offer 10 discounted seats to get ticket sales back to par.  Then 14 days out they'll look at the numbers again and discount a few more to get them back to par if ticket sales are lagging, or if they're ahead of projected ticket sales they'll offer no discounts at all.

Every day, every hour actually, the algorithm will tell them whether to hold firm on ticket prices or sell 'em cheap.  In theory if just a few days out they see they're way behind filling seats they'll panic and offer some great last-minute deals.

That's one way the travel sites like Expedia and Travelocity can offer the deals they do.  The danger is if you wait that long and they're not offering any discounted seats (and you have no way of knowing) you'll have to pay an exorbitant last-minute price.  Ouch!

There really isn't any way to outwit their computer.  Your best bet is simply to check prices often and fly at the most unpopular times of the day on the most unpopular travel days of the week.  

Or date a flight attendant and have her fix you up with a "buddy pass".  *wink*

S

Come help me re-name some airports....

The BBC headline read, "Baby born on Armenia plane named after stewardess".  The story went on to say the baby was named Hasmik after Hasmik Ghevondyan, who helped deliver her.  Ms. Ghevondyan later modestly recounted how "the whole crew helped deliver the baby."

Two comments:  Apparently political correctness hasn't yet made it to Armenia.  Years ago (before K) I dated a "flight attendant" and I can tell you they are very touchy about being called "stewardesses".

Secondly, if "the whole crew helped deliver the baby", who was flying the friggin' airplane?  I always feel better when my airline keeps one pilot (minimum) up front looking at least a little interested in keeping the wings level and pointed in the right direction.

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And in keeping with this post's aviation theme, have you ever thought about airport names?  New York has John F. Kennedy, Washington has Ronald Reagan, Houston has George Bush, New Orleans has Louis Armstrong, OK City has Will Rogers, and even some hole in Pennsylvania has an airport named after their hometown King of Pork, Congressman John Murtha.  

Paris has Charles De Gaulle, Tel Aviv has Ben Gurion, Warsaw has Frederic Chopin, and Istanbul has Mustafa Ataturk Airport.  Now I read  (again via the BBC) that Birmingham, England is considering re-naming their airport Ozzy Osbourne International Airport after the Black Sabbath musician and former resident.

Let me throw another few proposals into the ring:

Dallas/Ft. Worth could re-name their airport JR Ewing International.

  

Seattle's SeaTac could become Starbucks/Howard Schultz International.

Memphis...."The King".  Just The King.

Detroit Metro could become MoTown/Berry Gordy International.  

Las Vegas' McCarran could be re-named the Bugsy Siegel Casino, Wedding Chapel and Elvis Venue.  And Airport. 

Miami could re-name theirs the Ricky Ricardo World SmugglePort.

Newark Liberty could become Joe Pesci International.

Bogata, Colombia's El Dorado could become Juan Valdez International.

Astana, Kazakhstan could re-name their airport Borat Field ('cause, you know, it's just a mowed field).

Rome's Leonardo da Vinci could become the Sophia Loren Fountain of Eternal Youth and World Airport.  (Come on Leonardo....you and Michelangelo have Rome pretty well sewn up.  Share, OK?)

Help me out here.  There's bound to be lots more.  Dazzle me!  ;)

S

Those were the days my friend....

Remember the days when the airline industry was considered "glamorous"?  Pilots were almost worshiped by the public, cutting a most dashing image in their double-breasted uniforms.  And the flight attendants, or "stewardesses" as we called them back then, were so gorgeous they put movie stars and fashion models to shame. 

Even the food was good.  Of course, they were catering to a most discriminating customer back then, too.  Flying was expensive, and when you flew it was an "occasion" and you dressed in your Sunday finest.

As with everything, times have changed, and this time for the worse.  Now pilots are sniffed as they get on board looking for evidence of alcohol.  Flight attendants fly into their 60's and even their 70's, and customers routinely show up in gym shorts, T-shirts, and flip flops. (Git er done!)

Airline food ceased being edible years ago, and today on most flights ceases to even exist at all. They'll sell you a cold, hard sandwich at the gate, but the smart traveler buys their own and brings it on board with them. While our posteriors have gotten larger and we've grown taller, seat width and legroom has shrunk.  Today it's "coffee?", "tea?", "seat belt extender?"

I've even heard some of the lowest cost "low cost carriers" are considering bringing back pay toilets.  ("Hey buddy....can you spare a quarter?" takes on a whole new meaning.)  Even getting on the plane is an ordeal today, thanks to the TSA. 

Now it seems you're advised to bring your own tool kit on board with you, too.  That's so you can make sure your seat is properly bolted to the floor.   Apparently, on American Airlines at least, that's something you can't take for granted anymore as three of their planes had to make emergency landings yesterday after entire rows of occupied seats just flopped over.  (Labor strife / sabotage?)  

What's next?  How low can they go?

Just a thought:  If you see your pilot board wearing a parachute, de-plane and take the bus instead!

S

"Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on"

Just when we thought the economy might be stabilizing somewhat we hear this:  Foat Wuth-based American Airlines, already in bankruptcy, announced yesterday they were laying off 13,000 employees. OUCH!  Those are 13,000 people, presumably with about as many families depending on them.  


We Americans have been criticized for years for "living beyond our means", but how do you know what your "means" are these days? How do you make any long-term plans or purchases without knowing if you're going to have a job several years in the future, regardless of how vital your job is or how skilled you are?  I know a great many airline employees, both current and retired, from my 20 years of volunteering alongside them with the Commemorative Air Force.  (Formerly the Confederate Air Force, it's a group that buys, restores, and flies vintage WWII aircraft.  "Lowandslow"....get it?)  Many of them will be devastated by this layoff. 


Over 8,000 mechanics will soon be on the streets. How many do you think will lose their homes to foreclosure in Ft. Worth and Tulsa, American's two largest maintenance bases?  What about property values in general in those areas?  And unless they speak a foreign language and are willing to relocate to Turkey, China, or Latin American and work for 50% less, they're screwed.  American A&P mechanics are dinosaurs these days.  Three cheers for globalization!


Over a thousand flight attendants will be out of work soon, too.  They took a HUGE pay cut after 9/11 and haven't recovered since.  (My girlfriend before K was a flight attendant.)  Same for baggage handlers, provisioners, and some mid-managers.  But here's what gets me....millions of dollars are still paid out to senior executives as "retention bonuses".  They say if they don't pay these bonuses they'll lose their smartest, most valuable people.  I say that based on results, they're not worth a damn anyway.  (Have you ever noticed the same group of senior executives just bounces around from airline to airline?  Have you ever noticed almost all the major carriers have been bankrupt at least once?  Do you see a pattern?)


Over 400 pilots will soon be on the streets, too, but with their substantial incomes I would hope they would have put some $$$ away and can afford to stay in their homes and maintain their lifestyles. But what about when the survivors retire?  Are there replacements working their way up the ladder?  The commuter airlines (think of them as major airline farm teams) say the quality of their applicants is at an all-time low.  The appeal of an airline job just isn't there any longer.  This certainly won't help.


Yep, the glamor of flying is definitely gone.  Has been for years. "Get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on."  Sad.


S