This isn't going to end well

For those of you who have been napping for the past month, let me update you on world events:

The folks in Ukraine (formerly one of the Soviet Socialist Republics before the USSR went belly-up) are in full-fledge revolt.  They want to align themselves with the European Union as they see that as the surest way for them to grow and prosper.  As it is now they're a sneeze away from bankruptcy.  Russia doesn't want to let go of their influence there, and is pulling the strings of the current Ukraine leader.

Vladimir Putin (aka Pootie-Pooh), the Russian President, is about to blow a gasket thinking about one of "his" neighbors rejecting him and taking up with their neighbors on the other side. He's very possessive, a man scorned, and he's an old school KGB'er at heart....not a good combination.  

Meanwhile back in Sochi, the showcase Olympics that Pootie has spent the equivalent of $50B on is turning out to be a laughable mess.  These Olympics are to Russia today what the 1936 Berlin Olympics were to Nazi Germany; a way to show the world how advanced, modern, and powerful they are.  

So far that isn't working out well.  Their facilities are woefully crude and crumbling and many of the venues themselves are simply inferior.  The Russians are hockey obsessed and care about little else but their team winning the hockey Gold Medal.  Yesterday they were knocked out....humiliated even....in a quarterfinal round.  

Home-grown terrorists are somewhere in the Sochi shadows right now, hoping to cause mayhem.  They have so far been kept at bay only because Russia has stationed a not-so-small army there (for now) to step on them.  All this is taking its toll.  The Russian (read: Vladimir Putin's) psyche has been severely wounded.  

Remember the old joke...."What's worse than shooting at a charging bear and missing?  Shooting at a charging bear and only wounding him."

If the protesters in Ukraine succeed in putting in place a new government that turns it's back on Russia, don't be surprised if Putin does something violent in response.  Or maybe he'll even devise an excuse to physically go into Ukraine before it gets to that to "restore calm".   

Of course the west will respond with a meaningless statement of condemnation, the Russians will curtail natural gas deliveries to Europe (they provide the majority of Europe's natural gas) as pipelines go down for "routine maintenance", and from there....?

Most catastrophes don't start out with one gigantic "boom".  They're usually the result of a number of small things that go wrong and build on each other, culminating in one gigantic boom.  Nobody, least of all little 'ol me, knows yet what's going to happen.  But considering the crude, violent nature of politics in that part of the world, I'm guessing things aren't going to end well.

S

Where there's a will, there's a way

It seems US Olympic bobsled team member Johnny Quinn was in the bathroom taking a shower when the door "became locked/jammed".  Using good 'ol Yankee ingenuity, or maybe it was good 'ol Redneck improvisation, he managed to extricate himself:

Ha!  Take THAT Russia!  :)

S

Sports cheating? Who'd have thunk it?

Looks like another scandal is brewing in the Olympics.  No, it has nothing to do with doping, the usual athletic sin.  This time it has to do with cheating on the test for Olympians to go on to become judges in their sport.  That would be the ever-popular sport of wrestling....no, wait, they don't have wrestling in the Olympics any more.  This time it involves the high-stakes sport of "dancin' around with a ribbon on a stick".

*gasp*  So you mean previous great Olympic "rhythmic gymnasts" like 'ol....umm....what's-her-name....the one featured on the Wheaties box....what's that you say?....she wasn't on a Wheaties box?  Wheaties said they'd never heard of rhythmic gymnastics?

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand how ribbon waving made it into the Olympics.  If that's such a big-deal sport, why then not marble shooting, or hula hooping, or horseshoes?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking of sports, professional football is inching it's way back into the news....who's not yet signed a contract, who's still nursing injuries, etc.  On this morning's local news their informal poll-of-the-day was "How far do you think the Dallas Cowboys will go this year?"

8% said "the Superbowl" (obviously delusional)

17% said "the playoffs"  (only slightly less delusional)

77% said "are the Mavericks playing yet?"

Ha!  Take THAT Jerry Jones!  (Cowboy's owner)  *Brooklyn raspberry*

By my math that equals 102%  (Sorta like Chicago election vote counting, huh?  ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gotta come out of retirement to play CEO again today.  Adios, y'all.  Enjoy your weekend.

S

"Lowandslow, Olympian"....I like it!

While watching the Olympic rowing replay last night I had an epiphany:  I think I've finally found a way to realize my lifelong dream of becoming an Olympic athlete.  I wanna be the guy who sits in the back of the row boat and yells "faster, you swine!"  


He's called the coxswain, and according to the dictionary he is "the person in charge of a boat, particularly its navigation and steering."  I think I could handle that.  I mean, let's face it, these aren't exactly ocean-going vessels.  They go in a straight line down a river for a couple of miles.  I'm pretty sure I could learn the route.


I think I would be a perfect fit, too.  First, I could balance the boat....eight superbly fit athletes on one end of the boat, and me with my fat ass portly posterior on the other....sounds about right.  Plus, the job doesn't seem to require a great deal of exertion.  Sounds like a supervisory position.  Me to a tee!  (And I already have my own clipboard!)


Before I saw this I was thinking of becoming an Olympic skeet shooter.  Then I heard the winner hit 99 out of 100 birds.  On a good day I'm good for maybe 60 out of 100.  I'm afraid everyone would make fun of me and call me the "Jamaican bobsled team of shooting".  I'm probably too sensitive for that.  *snif*


Yep....Olympic rowing coxswain it is.  Seems like a pretty sweet gig.  I think I'll apply.  I wonder if there's a waiting list?


GO USA!


S

Bionic eyes?

Yesterday I was watching Olympic women's doubles diving (synchronized diving?), and I must say I have no idea how the judges decide who wins and who loses.  I mean, the entire dive takes .004 seconds and includes a flip and a couple of twists and who knows what else.  How can anyone see things that fast?


"Oh, Brad, how unfortunate!  Did you notice her ring finger on her left hand?  It was ever-so-slightly kinked, while her partner's was straight.  And that twitch in her left eye!  The judges are going to rip her a new one for that lapse of concentration.  Ten-years of training down the drain.  At least a full point deduction."


All I saw was "jump / splash", and it was kinda blurred.

Olympic swimming as I would like to see it

Is there anything more boring than watching Olympic swimming?  I mean, the only part worth watching is the last 50 feet.  Can your guy/girl hold off the challenge from the Godless ChiCom?  Can your guy/girl eek out a win by .0001 seconds over some Balkan swimmer whose name no one can pronounce?   Everything before that is 100% predictable.  The gun sounds, they dive in, then it's stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke...for 10 minutes until the last (sometimes) exciting 50 feet.


Of course, in many sports it all comes down to the final stretch to determine who wins, but at least before then there are a lot of variables.  In football you might see breakaway runs, long passes, fumbles, goal line stands, and always a grand strategy.  In bicycle racing you might see someone fall off their bike and get run over by the 50 people behind them.  And I find women wearing bikinis jumping up and down, flying through the air, rolling in sand, and spiking a ball over a net exciting start to finish!


Then there's swimming.  When is the last time you saw one of the competitors cramp up and have to be hauled off by emergency rescue kayak?  Or stop to pee?   Or dive to pick up marbles on the bottom of the pool?  Maybe if they were blindfolded and their coach had to guide them by yelling out "Marco" and the swimmer would answer with "Polo".  Can you imagine the chaos?  Yeah, I might watch that. But as it is now, B O R I N G !


S

On your mark....get set....GO....

....to McDonald's.  


While there's nothing wrong with it, it just seems funny to me that McDonald's is a Top Sponsor of the Olympic games.  They're paying $100M to the IOC to sponsor one summer and one winter game.  "Big Mac....the Breakfast of Champions."  I dunno.


What's next?  The Buick Grand Prix of Monaco?  The Poligrip/Depends Molokai Surfing Championship?  Or to reverse things, the Red Bull Bingo Invitational? 


Marketing gone terribly wrong.  ;)


S