If you don't want to break 'em, don't make 'em

Yes, it's that time of the year again, time when we declare our New Year's Resolutions, those things we're going to do different next year that will have miraculous effects on our life.  And a couple of days later it will be the time of year when we have to admit....at least to ourselves, sometimes publicly....that we don't have the willpower of a wino in a liquor store.

And the reason we fail so miserably every year is because we aim WAAAY too high.  "I'm going to diet and lose 40 pounds, join a gym and work out 4 days a week until I have the body of one of those Cross Fit people, eat sensibly, give up booze, and get my 10 hours of sleep every night.  Amen."

And then one-by-one you fall off the wagon and by the next December you've gained another 5 pounds, found that your preferred shape is 'round', developed an addiction to bacon and a taste for Ripple, and learned the best classic movies are on at 2 am.

So here's what I've learned from my 62 years on Planet Earth....aim loooooooow.  These are my resolutions for 2013:

1.  I'm going to work extra-hard to keep my weight within a very narrow range....say 10%....of where it is right now.

2.  I'm going to take the stairs instead of the elevator every time I take the dog out for his dootie-call.  (Note:  I live on the second floor, and the stairs are closer than the elevator.)

3.  I'm going to confine my food intake to ONLY those things that can be identified as belonging to one of the major food groups.

4.  I'm going to drink alcohol only on days that end in 'y'.  (I'm not a big drinker, so this should be a slam dunk.)

5.  I'm not going to take up the use of tobacco in any form.

6.  I'm going to limit my sleep to a maximum of 10 hours a night.

See how this works?  Now be brave.  Go out there and push yourself.

Happy New Year!  

S

The lonely world of the technologically challenged

I know to most people I might seem like a relatively normal, well adjusted person, but deep inside I'm hurting.  All my friends get together and talk about the new 200" HiDef 1650 LP Nuclear Accumulated Sprocket-Monitor TV's they got for Christmas, and all I can say is, "Gee, that baby sure is thin!"  The looks I get are so....so hurtful.

It hurts more than getting picked last for dodge ball or not getting to sit at the lunch table with the cool kids.  Actually I was middle-of-the-pack on both of those, but I'm pretty sure being technologically challenged in the 21st Century is worse.  My old computer regularly spit out !!!WARNING!!! notices that "Error 521 might cause irreparable damage to my drive 'something' unless I reboot the excecesor", or something like that.  All I could do was sit there and say, "I wonder if we're out of queso?"

This was brought to mind yesterday when I tried to set up the new TV one of my vendors gave me for Christmas.  (Thank you Jack!)  Once I got past mounting the TV on the stand I was hopelessly lost.  The instructions seemed like some sort of foreign language.  Whoever wrote them just assumed I already had a Master's Degree in Computer Gibberish....they didn't explain crap!

I knew I needed the cables to hook the TV up to the cable box and to the jack in the wall.  A trip to the electronics store revealed a wall full of different types of wires to choose from.  I finally flagged down some little zit-faced 17-year-old "Sales Associate" who asked, "Is your TV HDMI compatible?"  Come on kid, gimme a break!  (Naturally I bought the wrong ones and had to go back a second time.)  

I finally got the TV to come on and all it said on the screen was "VGA".  What the f--- does that mean?  What am I supposed to do with that jewel of information?  Out of frustration I just started pushing buttons on the remote, buttons that said things like "YPbPr, CC, MTS, EPG, and FAV".  I was as lost as a Neanderthal dropped into modern-day Manhattan.

Finally K came home, wiggled a couple of wires, pushed a button somewhere, and it worked.

All I know is that baby sure is thin!  ;)

S

Listen...what's that noise? *silence*

Be honest now....how many of you are thinking, "Whew, thank goodness THAT'S over with!"  It's OK....I won't tell.

I suspect most of us feel that way.  Maybe generations ago Christmas was as simple as taking a dish over to grandma's (just a few blocks away) where the family assembled to exchange hand-knit sweaters and potholders and enjoy a meal, but those days are long gone.

Now it's hours of agonizing what to get everyone, and figuring out how to juggle the "no payments 'till March / June / September".  And nobody you know, much less are kin to, live "just a few blocks away."  Families are now scattered across the country, requiring driving hours to get there.  And those are the lucky ones.  

Some have to endure air travel, lost baggage, airline employees who really don't want to be there, and increasingly (due to "climate change") sleeping on the cold airport floor with your coat for a pillow as you wait for better weather.

And holiday cooking:  I've always questioned why we do it?  I can remember the cooks in my family planning for weeks, and cooking for days, so we could sit down, say Grace, and woof it all down in 30 minutes.  (The original "wham, bam, thank you ma'am"?)  The holiday china and crystal and silver and table linens would come out, and of course have to be hand-washed and put back later.  

Now businesses that sell complete holiday meals with all the trimming's in a box do a thriving business.  I think it's safe to say "the thrill is gone".

Oh sure, I bluster, but I was actually good this year.  Normally I catch hell for being such a Bah Humbug at Christmas time, but this year I pretty much behaved myself.  I smiled and complimented K's Christmas decorations, watched Christmas shows and concerts on TV, sang "fa la freakin' la", did the shopping with a minimum of profanity, and even loaded the car and traveled with a good attitude.  Normally I'd rather slide down a 10' razor blade into a vat of alcohol than do any of that, but this year I was a veritable Kris Krinkle.  My family has one more get-together, this one to see the grand kids open their gifts from Grandpa and Miss Kelly.  It should be nice.  ;)

Am I getting soft in my old age?  

OK, I guess we can do it again next year.  Now, where's that TV Bowl Game schedule?  *wink*

S

Now don't forget....

I hope amidst all the partying, shopping, gift exchanging, and feasting you'll not forget the real reason we celebrate this wonderful day.

Merry Christmas to you all.

S

My kitchen adventure

K had to work today so I thought I'd help out by making the dip we volunteered to bring to the in-laws tomorrow.  What I found, however, was that the instructions were a bit lacking.  One of the ingredients was a block of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.  It said to "soften" it, so I let it sit out for a while, but it didn't soften. 

Then I remembered the little pouch of caramel that comes in the box of Genuine Home Made Brownies I sometimes make.  To make it soft enough to be able to squeeze out the end of the pouch you have to knead it for a couple of minutes.  Maybe that's also how you "soften" cream cheese?

Wrong-O.  I kneaded it like I would that caramel pouch and just left a few fingertip dimples in it.  Maybe I need to pound on it?  BIG Wrong-O!  The wrapping that comes around the block of cream cheese isn't strong enough to withstand being pounded on.

I found this out after the first "pound" when cream cheese shot out both ends of the package.  As there was no more cream cheese in the refrig I had no choice but to salvage this one.  Fortunately I had just given the granite counter top a good cleaning before I began so I was pretty sure there wouldn't be any deadly cooties in my dip.  (I later taste-tested it and so far I haven't taken up residence in the bathroom, so I'm fairly confident it's harmless.)

I scraped it all up off the counter....well, most of it....dumped in a tub of sour cream, then poured in the French onion dip powder seasoning stuff.  What exactly is a "French" onion anyway?  Is it like a regular onion but with a snooty attitude?

Then it was time to stir.  Damn....I'm exhausted!  My arm is numb.  How do these little tiny women manage to cook all day?  

I'm guessing Julia Child started out about 5'4 and weighed maybe 130, then beefed up the more she cooked.  By the time she published that big cookbook of hers she must have been a borderline knuckle-dragger!

Anyway, the bottom line is this:

It tastes really good!  I think the in-laws will like it.  They might even let me stick around for some prime rib.  :)

Merry Christmas everyone.

S

"If you want something done right....

....do it yourself."  I don't know who first came up with that one, but it's as appropriate today as it was when I first heard my dad say it when I was a kid.

For me it describes perfectly the saga of the holiday banana pudding I'm still waiting for.  This past Thanksgiving I mentioned how much I wanted some banana pudding and my SIL said she would make some for our family get-together.  Bless her heart, she tried, and what she served wasn't bad at all, but it wasn't Classic Banana Pudding.  If she'd called it Banana Delight or something we wouldn't have thought anything about it.  But as we were expecting banana pudding, we were disappointed.

So, in the spirit of that old idiom, I'm gonna do it myself.  We're going to my in-laws house on Christmas day and K and I are bringing dessert.  On Monday I'll be in the kitchen with my cookbook acting like I'm Emeril Lagasse.  (Fair disclosure....my "cookbook" is actually the side of a box of 'Nilla Wafers.  Close enough.)

Fancy cooks have a habit of taking a very simple recipe and jazzing it up, thinking it's an improvement.  I wouldn't mind it if they did that and labeled it "New Improved ______" and served it alongside "Classic _____".  Then we would know we had a choice and could decide for ourselves.  I just don't like surprises when it comes to my food.  Truth in advertising.

Don't promise me Santa Claus, then send me Billy Bob Thornton.  ;)

S

Road trip!

While it wasn't all that far as the crow flies our visit yesterday to the new Perot Museum of Science and Nature was quite a trip.  K has a few days off (and I've been "off" for a long time), so we thought it might be a good time to avoid the weekend crowd and go see this new wonder.  It's located in Uptown Dallas just across the freeway from the Arts District.

Your first reaction is WOW!  The architecture is stunning.  I learned the horizontal cast concrete ridges in the facade are meant to replicate geologic strata.

They have 11 permanent exhibit halls in 180,000 sq ft on 4 levels, a 300-seat digital theatre, a bead-and-trinket store, etc.  As a builder I was awed by all the angles and curves and ramps, wondering how many times they had to re-do them to get everything to fit just right.  Turns out they got it right the first time thanks to the 3-D digital model where they built it just for practice.  And I saw the complete blueprints....stacked 6 inches thick.

Smart folks they are!

K liked the "Expanding Universe Hall" which was about the universe (duh!), stars, exploration, the Big Bang, etc.  It was extremely detailed yet understandable. 

Trust me....this photo doesn't do it justice.  The large exhibits and special effects were awesome.

I preferred the "Gems and Minerals Hall" and the "Dynamic Earth Hall".  They had an earthquake shake platform you could stand on and dial in the magnitude of the earthquake you wanted to experience.  Cranked all the way up the floor rose and fell and moved side-to-side with extreme, unpredictable violence.  It was an interesting sensation for someone who's thankfully never experienced a real one.

In Gems and Minerals, among other things, they explained in detail how the climate change way back there created oil and natural gas and showed how we extract it today.  This sounds rather sophomoric, but I promise you it was very professionally presented.  They explained offshore drilling platforms...

and the various kinds of drill bits and how they work....

and how a blowout prevention "Christmas Tree" works, too....

I also enjoyed the weather exhibits, including one that showed how colliding fronts form tornadoes....

They also had exhibits about critters and birds and such, and a bones room, too....

We were there about 3 hours and that was just a "get acquainted" peek.  To really see and experience everything would take several days at least.  It's the sort of place where you might go once a quarter and spend the day on just one floor reading, listening, and interacting.  If you could do that, by the time you were finished you'd probably have the equivalent of an advanced degree in any number of disciplines.

Kudos to the Perot family and their uber-rich friends who funded this beautiful museum.  (It opened debt-free.)  It truly is world class.  If you're just passing through Dallas go see it.  You won't be disappointed.  If you live nearby, go see it over and over.

I'm not easily impressed, but this really blew my socks off!

S