"We just can't have nice thangs!"

I do almost all our grocery shopping and pride myself on never running out of anything.  I know when we're getting low on something and add it to my weekly list.  When we empty a jar of something, for example, you can check the pantry and 99 times out of 100 you'll find another new one ready to go.  "Always Prepared Scott", that's me.

A few days ago I fixed something to eat and couldn't find the Tabasco.  *Gasp*  I know....Tabasco is considered legal tender here in the south, and I had NONE.  Hmm....

Today I was going to fix myself a quick PB&J for a snack on the run and found we had no J.  No jelly?  How could that be?  No strawberry, no grape....none.  What the....?

That's when my CSI-like mind deduced K had been on a refrigerator cleaning spree again.  And I don't mean clean as in "dirty" (it's spotless), but clean as in "I'm tired of looking at this stuff".

DOH!

The next time you get the urge to clean out the refrigerator, dear wife, don't, OK?   JUST DON'T!

Make your list of what you deem not fit for purpose, and I'll make mine, and then we can call in trained negotiators to decide.  

And just for the record, Twinkies have a shelf life of at least 100 years.  Don't even think about it!  ;)

S

Black Friday is here, the one I've been dreading

OMG!  This is a true catastrophe!  The world will never be the same.  The youth of the world, and many of us grown-ups, too, have been robbed.  They've been taken from us waaaay too soon.  

I'm talking about Twinkies, and SnoBalls, and HoHo's, and Cupcakes, and Hostess bread, the one that "builds strong bodies 8 ways", and....  *uncontrolled sobbing*

Hostess Brands, the company that bakes all those goodies, is closing its doors...er...ovens...for good.  They've been bankrupt for months now, and their "best and last offer" to their union has been rejected.  Turn out the lights, the party's over.

How could this happen?  We're Americans.  We're fat.  I would have thought the company that bakes all these hi-cal delights would be rolling in dough (pardon the pun).  How inept do you have to be to muck up a powdered-sugar-covered donut company in America?

RIP my friends.

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What is it with the Palestinians and the Israelis?  They're at it again.  While I'm obviously not there to see first hand who did what, it sounds like the Palestinians just couldn't help stirring up the ant pile....again.  You just know what's gonna happen!  They've been lobbing missiles at Israel, and sure enough the Israelis are giving 'em right back.  

These guys just don't seem to be happy unless they're miserable.  Their "leaders" have an odd way of thinking.  Or do they?  It's hard to be the leader of a beat-up group unless you have a beat-up group to lead.  So you just make sure your people are beaten up on a regular basis.  Just lob a few missiles and then sit back and wait for the inevitable whuppin'.  Is this their version of job security?  Go figure.

Oh well.  Now go out and start your weekend (yes, it starts on Friday) with a farewell Twinkie.  

S

Who invented advertising?

Whoever he was, he was an evil genius.  He has had more influence on the world that we live in today than Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, or even Carlo Ponzi.  I mean, any guy who could turn snakes into oil was either a genius or one smooooooooth talker.  

It was advertising that sold Ford Pinto's, women's "housecoats", and OxiClean.  (Hey....you think Billy Mays invented advertising?)  But not Twinkies.  They were a gift from God.  Advertising built the free market system, really.  They invented stuff we didn't need and via advertising made us think our life wouldn't be worth living without it.  

But wait....there's more!

I'm pretty sure an entire branch of advertising has been developed just to sell things specifically to my wife, and they've honed their pitch to a fine art.  I can't tell you how many exercise gizmos, kitchen implements, and hair care and beauty goops she's bought.  

Her latest must-have stuff:  Some kind of "nutritional shake".  This morning she asked me, "Will you be a doll and stop by Whole Foods on your way home and get me some Vega One?"  

"Uhh....What's Vega One?"

"Here....just walk in the door and give this $5-off coupon to anyone wearing an employee name tag and let them get it for you.  You'll never find it on your own."

"Holy Crap!  If it's $5 off, what's the regular price?"

*silence*

But of course I'll buy it for her, mainly because I've never seen a grown woman leap over a tall building in a single bound.  At least that's what the advertising pitch promised.

S

Twinkies and Tony Bennett

It looks like Twinkies are on their last legs, their parent company, Hostess, threatening bankruptcy liquidation.  A world without Twinkies?  How could that be?  I mean Twinkies are a culinary institution.  What kid didn't chow down on a RC Cola and a couple 'o Twinkies?  It was a rite of passage into chubby adolescence....gone forever?  I can't imagine it.  What kinda crap do parents feed their kids these days if not Twinkies? Lemme guess....those little tiny carrots?  *blech*


Since when did Tony Bennett become our Secretary of Defense?  They try to dress him down with more distinguished spectacles, a less stylish do and a new name, but come on, who are they kidding?

Sec Def "Leon Panetta" (yeah... right) was on TV this morning chastising some of his military guys for their partying in Colombia recently, and I'm thinking, "Tony, you old dog....like you haven't serenaded a few Latin ladies in your day?"  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. "Leon", *wink* you'd better let Hillary play the "bad cop" on this one.

Don't you see it?  ;)

S