Acceptable Valentine's gifts

Today's the day, guys.  Before the sun sets you'll be either a hero or a goat.  Play your cards right, bring her an appropriate gift, and your future could be filled with fireworks.  Mess it up and you're on the couch with a bag of Cheetos as your only companion.

The deciding difference is "THE GIFT".  Obviously flowers, candy, a fragrance, jewelry, a Hallmark card (but only Hallmark....any other will get you labeled a cheap slug), and / or a nice meal at an upscale restaurant should suffice.  

Every guy who can fog a mirror should know by now that household appliances (think vacuum cleaners or toasters) are a sure way to have your dinner handed to you for the foreseeable future in a little bag by a high-school kid at a drive-thru window.  Fuggetaboutit.

What about the thousands of other potential gifts you could choose from?  My lady, for example, would be quite happy if I took her on a shopping spree at a bookstore.  Or pushed the grocery cart for her as she perused the aisles at Central Market where they stock all those crappy "healthy" foods women seem so enamored with.  OK, a little off-beat maybe, but still has the potential to get me a spot on the king size mattress.  Just remember it's a very fine line between "hero" and "goat".

Tickets to a play or musical should be safe, but personally, I'd rather take my chances with the couch.  *Oh, the horror!*

Sporting goods?  Absolutely NOT!  While some women might like the idea, many would read something into it that never crossed your mind, like "So you think I'm fat, huh?  You think I need to work out?"  Ouch!  Don't chance it.

A vacation trip might be well received, but you've got to think it through very carefully.  Nothing near a fish-filled river, a sports stadium, a race track, or any locale that has a tasting room attached to a distillery.  The only acceptable destination involves a chase lounge on a beach or the top deck of a big-assed boat. 

There are probably a few other gifts that might impress her, but I suggest you just put that "I'll be different this year" idea back in the can (and that includes personalized headgear after I crashed and burned yesterday) and ante up some flowers / chocolate, etc.  

As I've learned many times before I got old and wise:  "Man cannot live by Cheetos alone."

Happy Valentine's everyone!  :)

S

Just thinking outside the box....

I've never understood the purpose of Valentine's Day.  Was it originally just an attempt by florists and confectioners to sell a bunch of stuff in the normally slow dead of winter?  Maybe it was an attempt by women to get their men to take them out for a nice dinner, to a place that doesn't have a drive thru window?

Or....was it all just a sadistic exercise by women so they could watch their men squirm as they try to think of a gift that will make them look like less of a slug than the other husbands they're always being compared to?  Trust me, no man wants to come in as the last place slug in the group. 

Of course you can always go with dependable, boring chocolates and red roses, aka the "me too" route, but I'm thinking that's still only Runner Up Slug material at best.  (At least try variegated roses to show you have a couple of creative molecules left in you.) 

At first I thought the Vermont Teddy Bear Company was a great idea.  A cute faux-fur little critter with an "I Love You" message....what woman wouldn't be impressed?  But now it seems like it's run it's course.  Once upon a time giving a teddy bear would get you major points.  Try that now and it's no guarantee you won't still be on the couch come the 15th.  *yawn*

Last night as I pondered what to do I asked myself , "What Would Larry (the Cable Guy) do?", and it hit me:

He would go online and buy something so romantic, something that just screams "I'm not afraid to tell the world how much I love my lady", that it would guarantee a special award.  And here it is ^.

If you're thinking about following my brilliant lead, you should know they come in different colors, so it might be wise to discretely ask her what color dress she'll be wearing for your special Valentine's Day dinner out.

Happy Valentine's Day (tomorrow) ladies, and good luck, guys.  :)

S 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Now I know what you're thinking...."Scott, you moron, Valentine's Day isn't until the 14th.  Today is just the 10th."

No, I'm not numerically challenged, but I am going back to the doctor's tomorrow morning for a little procedure to remove some scar tissue left over from my little skin cancer episode of last November. That was supposed to have been no big deal, almost a drive-thru slice 'n dice, but I came out looking something like this:

He claimed the "little incision" on the bridge of my nose and his new Bentley parked out front still wearing a dealer tag was just a coincidence, but I'm not quite so sure.  I'm not taking any chances this time.  In the event his wife has her eye on a new Jag and I'm tapped to be their family Sugar Daddy again, I'm not gonna miss Valentine's.  I'm gonna celebrate it tonight with the Missus and a nice steak dinner.

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I've always enjoyed Valentine's.  In fact, I started what became a minor floral revolution at Texas Tech when I was a student there.  While most of my male classmates had the thoughtful originality of an empty beer bottle, I came up with something that I thought might impress my girlfriend and maybe even earn me some Bonus Points I could redeem at Dana's Pleasure Palace.

Here's what I did:  On the morning of the 14th florist's trucks from all over town were parked out front of the girl's dorms delivering red roses.  One lucky lady received from yours truly here a dozen yellow roses.  

The guys were razzing me something fierce for my stupid sophomoric stunt (except they weren't smart enough to think of the word "sophomoric")....until their girlfriends shut 'em down saying "if you really loved me you would have bought me something besides the same 'ol red roses every other girl got."  

The next Valentine's Day red roses were going begging....everybody wanted yellow ones.  Heehee!

Let me be the first to wish all of you a Happy Valentine's Day 2013.  *Good luck guys, ladies*  ;)

S

Spewings from my odd mind

Ever wonder about the origin of holidays?  Some are obviously religious....Easter, Christmas, Hanukkah.  Some are obviously contrived for commercial reasons, like Valentine's (thank you Hallmark Cards and FTD).  Some are to recognize the sacrifice of our armed forces....Memorial Day, Veteran's Day.  But Labor Day?   Yes, it is to honor those who "labor", and it was pushed for by the early labor union movement, but it wasn't until 1894 that President Grover Cleveland made it a national holiday after a particularly bloody fight between the military and federal marshals and strikers at the Pullman Co. (railroad car mfg.) ended in a number of deaths.

Fearing more labor violence, Labor Day was a bone thrown at workers to calm things down and prevent further unrest.  The Prez was careful, however, to NOT have it the same day as International Worker's Day so as not to give any credence to the growing communist movement.  Now you know.

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I heard a quote today that resonated with me:  "Don't have an opinion where you have no responsibility."

This as opposed to the way things are now, namely, "Opinions are like a__holes....everybody has one."

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I also read something interesting written by a journalist covering the Republican convention last week.  He observed, "There is no organic connection between Romney and the GOP base.  He is renting the party to fulfill his dream of becoming president, and they're renting him to get rid of President Obama."  Good point.  It really doesn't feel like they belong together, but they're trying to force it, sort of like an arranged marriage.  It's just an odd chemistry.  

The Democrats start their convention this week.  Now it's their turn to bore us to tears.  Football season couldn't have come at a better time, for me at least.

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We're forecast to have triple-digit heat most of the week in Dallas, but a weather front comes in for the weekend cooling things off into the 80's.  Do I dare hope?  Is this "it"....the first stirrings of Autumn?  I even like the sound of it....."Autumn".  :)

S

Happy Valentine's Day

This is my Valentine, the lovely and talented "K"....

Fortunately she doesn't get spiffed up too often, as she, like me, is much too casual for that...

Ahh...better!

We have a pretty good GREAT life together!  Oh sure, we sling some arrows now and then, but we're both pretty bad shots.  She takes great care of me, and I try to do the same for her.

We've been to a few fun places....

With hopefully a lot more to come.

She's a real adventure junkie, too.  I like that!  (We're at the front, naturally.)

And she's not at all demanding.  Even a day at a local art show has her grinning ear-to-ear.

She loves my daughters, and they love "Miss Kelly", too.  So do all the young 'uns.

I love her much, and best of all, she loves me right back.  Sweet!

Happy Valentine's Day, my love.  :)

S