Tuesday, November 12, 2013

My "man" adventure at the grocery store

I've become pretty confident maneuvering my way around grocery stores.  Years ago my ex gave me a choice:  I could stay home on Saturday mornings with the kids while she did the shopping, or I could take the list and go do it myself.  Poopie diapers, throw up, the screaming (THEM, not me)....it was a no brainer.

Since then I've learned how to make a chart of every section in the store and where everything is (and I keep it updated when they try to trick us shoppers and re-arrange things) and I keep an itemized list of my most commonly purchased things on a computerized checklist.   (Don't get excited, it's just on WORD....I'm still a techie Neanderthal).  Today I think I have things pretty well refined.


As a worthy sequel to The Great Cream Cheese Incident of '82*, K got me good yesterday.

I came back in from being taken on a walk by Luke the Wonder Dog and found the TV was left on one of those (Italian) cooking shows.  The power of suggestion being what it is, I WANTED SPAGHETTI.  I mean the good stuff, the kind K makes.  Only she was working, and I was here doing....well....not much.  My mission was clear!

She emailed me her receipe and instructions and I hit the road.  Buying the meat, the sausage, the onions and garlic, a bottle of wine, and some little cans of tomato stuff was no problem.  Then I hit the wall.

Her list said I needed something called "Italian seasoning salt".

Italian seasoning is that powdered stuff you mix with oil to make salad dressing, right?  Umm....or maybe it's some fancy kind of salt, like from a salt mine in Italy?  OK, try this:  It comes in those little bottles on the "spice" aisle?  The poor little zit-faced kid stocking shelves was no help at all.  After running in circles for half an hour I finally had to break down and do it....call K.

"You're making stuff up.  There's no such thing as 'Italian seasoning salt'.  I have torn this place UP!  This is NOT funny!  You're being mean to me!"  :(

"No, silly," she said.  "Read it again.  It says, 'Italian seasoning' COMMA 'salt'."

Today....I cook.


*  "The Great Cream Cheese Incident of '82":  I was sent to the store with instructions to buy "18 oz" of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.  But it only comes in 4 oz and 8 oz blocks.  No combination equals 18 oz.  DUH!  THAT was a half hour of my life I'll never get back!  (What she wanted was 1-8 oz block of Philly Cheese.  Who knew?)


  1. I keep my list in Excel and try to buy more or less the same stuff every week, or every few weeks for some things. That way I don't have to run to the grocery store every day.

  2. You had me scratching my head because I've never heard of Italian seasoning salt. Such a difference a tiny comma can make.

  3. Mrs. Cranky would scratch Itaseaslt. Even if I can read it, it makes not sense. Sometimes even she does not remember what her short hand means. Glad to know I'm not the only one with grocery list issues.

    Funny, funny post, but I have to tell you, more than 8 items on a shopping list and you might have to turn in your man card...

    who am I kidding, I lost mine years ago.

  4. Might want to check the cabinet before you buy more Italian Seasoning, anyway.

    We have three containers of Dill Weed alone. I'd be embarrassed if it weren't so ridiculous.

  5. Oh, yeah, been there. Done that. And, lacochran, thanks to me we have several bottles of Balsamic vinegar in the house.

  6. Hahaha...laughing out loud here. I'm an expert grocery shopper. For some weird reason, I must look like one, too. People always come up to me and ask me questions. In the Chinese food section, somebody once asked me if I was Chinese. And once, when I checked for the ripeness of a cantaloupe, a guy asked if I would knock on his cantaloupe, too. I wonder if he meant for it to sound dirty.

    1. Ha! Yes, I do believe you were hit on in the cantaloupe aisle :)

  7. That's so funny! This is making me think of my mom's handwriting & misspellings - sometimes, now that she's gone, it's all we can do to figure out what she was talking about!