Close....but no cigar

Looks like I'll have to wait until next week to make this beauty mine.  This weeks Mega Millions lottery drawing has come and gone, and sadly I missed winning $199,800,000 by only 5 numbers.  *sigh*

Don't tell me you don't think about it, 'cause everybody does.   "If I won the lottery I'd _______."  For myself, I'd build a small home on land (with a mountain view, of course) so far away from all the nut-cases running around the city even that Amazon drone thing would have trouble finding me to deliver groceries.  I would probably buy a few interesting firearms I've had my eye on for a while, and put a shooting range in my back yard.  

My spousal unit wants to set up some kind of senior dog refuge, which is fine with me, and she could probably use a new car, too.  My kids could enjoy some security, and my grandkids could get a good education on my dime(s).  Other than that, I'm good.  Oh, wait....t-shirts.  I saw LL Bean has some new colors, so I might spiff up my wardrobe.

Bling cars (despite the above photo), boats, trains, planes....not my things.  I'd rather fund hunting down and locking up animal abusers, child abusers, elderly abusers....I don't like abusers.   Food banks would be full, scholarships plentiful, and veterans would feel appreciated.  "Stuff" is very overrated.  (I've finally come around.)

Think it would be selfish of me to travel a bit before I clock out?  I think it would be fun to run with the bulldogs.

S  

"Man shopping" for clothes

Over the past several "semi-retired" years my wardrobe, modest in the best of times, has taken a nose dive.  I can count only three decent sports shirts that I can wear out in the evening or to a casual business meeting.  As I have another meeting tomorrow and they've already seen me as "Larry, Curly, and Moe", I figured it was time to go do a little shopping.

 Whatdayamean "Am I going out looking like this?"

Like many men, I'm not a good shopper.  That's why I rarely do it.  That's also why I usually look like a holocaust survivor, except for the part about being brutally starved.  (Trust me, I DON'T look starved.)  My default version of clothes shopping consists of going to the LL Bean website and buying some new shorts and t-shirts, then waiting for the UPS man to arrive.  Easy peasy.

But today I felt brave and ventured out to the big mall just a couple of blocks away.  I went in to Dillard's first, found the men's department in the back corner, and then found several shirts that looked nice.  The lady whose first language sounded like it was Russian told me they were now 40% off.  Sweet!

I whipped out my wallet and she said, "I'll need your Dillard's card, please."

I said, "I'll just pay with my debit card, thank you."

"Oh no sir (or maybe it was "Comrade"), the sale price is only for Dillard's Club members.  I'll be happy to open you a membership.  ("Membership" must now be the code word for credit card.)  Nope, no more "memberships" for me.

Bye-Bye.

At the other end of the mall was Macy's.  Same drill, found the men's department and a couple of nice shirts....they were Tommy Bahama....but they were waaaaay over $100 each.

Bye-Bye. 

Next it was on to Nordstrom's.  I found their men's department in the corner of the basement (how come women get 95% of the store?) and a couple of acceptable shirts.

The tag said the fabric was "modal".  So I said to myself, "Self, WTF is modal?  And more importantly, does it need to be ironed?"  I looked it up on the World Wide Web (thank you iPhone) and it said modal "pills" and likely needs ironing.

Bye-Bye.

I decided my last stop before I gave up entirely would be REI.  Fortunately they had a couple of Colombia shirts that I liked, never mind that they looked like I was going fishing, so I bought 'em.

Now I'm just hoping the "fisherman look" is better than the "holocaust survivor look".  I'm thinking it's a toss-up.  Meh.  ;)

S

Wow! Nice Bling. Sorry about your penis.

I just heard that a friend of mine recently went to Northpark Mall to pick up a few things.  He parked in the lot and went inside, forgetting that he had left two Dallas Cowboys tickets on the passenger seat in plain sight. He came back a half hour later to find the side window bashed in, broken glass was everywhere, and there on the seat....were FOUR Dallas Cowboys tickets.  :)

Today's big breaking news:  The Jonas Brothers are splitting up.  I wonder if I should wear shorts or jeans today?  Oh, look....a bunny. 

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While I don't have a horse in this race....I'm not Catholic....I must say I really like their new Pope, Francis.  Here he is, one of the most powerful men in the world, yet he eschews all the trappings of royalty available to him.  He passed on the opulent living quarters previous Pope's have enjoyed, the Wizard of Oz red shoes, the fancy gold bobbles, etc.  He just seems like a genuinely nice guy, the kind of pal you'd like to have over to share a few (blessed) beers and maybe watch some college football on a Saturday afternoon.

I'm rarely if ever impressed by Bling.  Back in my airshow days when a rich pilot would fly in his million dollar P-51 or similar and we'd get him safely parked and chocked, we'd greet him and say, "Wow!  Nice plane....sorry about your penis."

One of the most interesting men I've ever known was the uncle of a friend of mine.  (This was before Dos Equis Man.)  He lived in Houston in the same house he'd lived in for 25 years, drove a 5-year-old Olds 98, and wore comfortable, well-broken-in clothes.  He would invite us down to stay in his (very modest) beach house on Galveston Island and take us all out fishing.  Later we'd have a crab boil and sit around afterwards where he could talk intelligently about any topic we'd throw at him.  We tried to trip him up, but he bested us every time.  He was just an all-around brilliant, fun, pleasant, down-to-earth guy.

We knew he was financially comfortable....he and his brother had an oil pipeline related business....but it was only when he passed away that we found out exactly how well off he was.  Turns out his financial statement had more zeros to the left of the decimal point than any of us could even fathom.

I often think, when I win the lottery....that's it.  I often think of that.  But when I do, what would I buy? A few modest things maybe, some travel, but I don't really want much more than what I have now.  I just bought some new jeans, I have every color T-shirt LL Bean offers, and I just put new synthetic oil in my car.  

I am getting a new iPhone soon, but I'm going for the black one.  The gold one is just too Blingy.  :)

S

This guy can't BUY a break!

It was at the State Fair of Texas about a year ago that Big Tex, the giant cowboy statue that welcomed visitors at the front gate, caught fire and turned crispy critter.  It seems the motor that moved his jaw when he "talked" shorted out.  (They never offered an explanation of why his crotch ignited, although rumors were ripe.)

It was big news at the time, and many people around here were truly saddened.  (I personally thought the whole concept was pretty cheesy.)  Money was raised for a new Big Tex, and he was ready for this year's fair.   

Several days ago at lunch I had the TV on and was (sorta) watching the local news when I happened to glance over to see this:

My first thought was, "Holy crap....he fell over!  THE SUM BITCH FELL OVER!"  *we just can't have nice thangs!*

Turns out the Fair ended its 3-week run last weekend and workers were taking him down and back to storage.  *Whew*  I'm not sure people around here could handle the trauma of losing another Big Tex so soon.

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I don't get all this fascination with cowboys.  I really don't.  While there are still some working cowboys in Texas (mostly in west and south Texas), they're rare, and you're more likely to see them working out of 4-wheel drive trucks or even helicopters than on horseback.  They dress the way they do for a reason.

What you will see here are what we jokingly refer to as "urban cowboys".  These are city people who wear boots (dirty, never polished), Wrangler jeans, shirts with snaps instead of buttons, belt buckles the size of hub caps, and of course cowboy hats.  But the funny part is, they wouldn't know what to do with a cow or a horse if their life depended on it.  

I understand honoring your past, and we in Texas have an exceptionally colorful one.  But to re-live it every day?  I mean, do you see ordinary people in Boston walking around wearing 3-point hats, coats with long tails, and shirts with ruffles?  Or people in San Francisco walking around wearing....OK....bad example.

Oh well, to each his own.  As long as there's not a run on LL Bean "looks good fresh out of the dryer" T-shirts, I'm happy.  :)

S

Which came first....Mr. T or the t-shirt?

Isn't it ironic that the one thing I can do well, I mean really world-class-well, is tie a necktie?  Why couldn't it be picking winning lottery numbers, or collecting hot women's hotel room keys a la James Bond?  (Disclaimer:  This would have been long before K, of course.)

Yesterday I was asked to do something I haven't been asked to do in 40+ years;  a total stranger stopped me on the street and asked if I knew how to tie a necktie.  I said yes, and he whipped one out and asked me to please help him out.  So I put it around my neck, round / round / tuck / pull, and there it was.  I loosened it, slipped it over my head, handed it to him, and off he ran.  I didn't even have time to ask him what this was all about.

Several light years ago, back when I was in college, I was the go-to guy for half the guys in my dorm who needed a tie tied.  Starting mid-afternoon on Saturday's guys would come to me one after another, waiting sometimes two or three deep, for me to tie their necktie, which they were sure would help them "round the bases" later in the evening.

The irony of all this is I absolutely HATE to wear a necktie myself.  I will lie, cheat, or fake appendicitis to avoid going to a wedding or a funeral, the only two occasions that in my mind still require a necktie.  In retirement I'm down to one suit and one sports coat, and two ties....one for marryin' and one for buryin'.   (At my age the buryin' one is now inching ahead in use.)

DAMN THOSE CROATIANS!

As I see it the guy who invented the necktie is in a sprint straight to hell with the guy who invented the business suit.  I live in Texas....it's 110 degrees....and I'm supposed to button my top shirt button, cinch a tie tight around my neck, and put on A COAT?  Does this make any sense at all?

After a little research I found that it was Croatian mercenaries fighting for the French in the Thirty Years War (1618-1648) who were first seen wearing knotted kerchiefs around their necks to denote their regimental affiliation.  And of course the French, being the little sissies they were (are?) thought it looked cool and made it fashionable.  Damn them all!

Today my wardrobe, courtesy of LL Bean, looks more like this.

I figure I started out life wearing a little "onesie" t-shirt, and I'll go out wearing a slightly larger XL t-shirt.  As God intended it.  :)

Happy weekend everyone!

S

What goes around comes around

I heard just yesterday that a store in Australia will soon institute a $5 "cover charge" to come in and look around.  They say they are trying to discourage people from coming in and trying out whatever it is they sell, then going home and ordering it online.  (If you do buy from them the retailer credits back to you your $5 cover charge.)

Interesting.  I can imagine their frustration with people like ME who look locally, but often buy online.  Not always though....I'll buy locally if the difference is just a few bucks, but for 30% or 40% difference, it's Amazon here I come!

But here's why I don't feel guilty about doing that: The big stores that I shun to order online are generally the same big national stores that blew into town 10-20 years ago and put all the local mom-and-pop stores out of business.  Seems to me they're now getting a taste of their own medicine.  To me this is just retail evolution.

Home Depot didn't shed any tears when they put Plaza Hardware out of business.  Nor did Best Buy show any remorse when they pretty much destroyed Hollingshed's Appliance.  Same with Walgreen's and CVS as they shuttered Payne's Drug Store.  And who killed Larry's Shoes, and do I have to say anything at all about all those little guys Walmart squashed?

Some things I won't buy online or from a catalogue.  Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware both send me a very nice catalogue several times a year full of their new offerings.  I've found their furniture to be of commendable quality, but how do you buy a chair, for example, without sitting on it first?  I don't care what it looks like if it doesn't pass my butt test.

Shoes....I've found that even within the same brand line, shoes can feel different.  I want to try them on in a store and see if a particular style is all-day comfortable.  If so, then it's time to check Zappos, may the best cut-throat mega-retailer win.

And now a plug (unfortunately uncompensated) for my all-time favorite online retailer, LL Bean.  I've just replenished through them my summer wardrobe....3 pair of chino shorts, 3 very nice polo shirts, and 5 (various colored) t-shirts.  And if something is wrong, they make it right, no arguments.  Can't beat that!

If I was a big brick-and-mortar retailer, I'd be scared.  VERY scared.

S

Customer Service....RIP

"Our Director of Customer Service is Helen Wait.  If you want customer service, go to Helen Wait."

Is anyone reading this old enough to remember newspaper boys?

They were usually elementary or jr. high age kids who would make their delivery rounds by bicycle early in the morning before school started.  Part of their job was to deliver the paper TO YOUR PORCH.  Anything less would usually result in a call to the newspaper, who would dispatch the kid back out to knock on your door and hand you your paper, along with an apology.

Later, for whatever reason, the rules were changed.  I guess the kids' work ethic was beginning to slip, so the newspapers gave the kids plastic baggies and told them to bag the papers and just try to hit the front yard.  

Later still, I suppose they couldn't get enough kids to do the job so they recruited adults who had cars to cover larger areas of town.  They would drive down the street at 40 mph and just sling papers out the window.  If it landed anywhere at all on the property it was considered a successful delivery.

IMO today we've hit absolute bottom.  One of the (print) papers I like to read is the Sunday NY Times.  It's printed locally by the Dallas Morning News and distributed by their crack crew of delivery specialists crack heads.  At least every other week....sometimes several weeks in a row....we have to call the paper and remind them who we are, where we live, that we are one of their "valued" customers, and that we want our paper!

I'm surprised they don't just tell us to come on by and pick one up, or better yet, just go on-line and read it there (which is what I do M-Sat) and quit callin' and wakin' em up.  "Paying customers are just so darn demanding these days...sheesh!"

Listen up Amazon, REI, LL Bean, and those handful of others who still have excellent customer service:  Don't let your people mingle with the general public.  Filter the air in your buildings and boil all water before use.  Offer all available immunizations against this insipid "give-a-shit" disease that is devouring customer service across our land.  Your reputation, your very existence even, depends on it!

S

I'm not sure I fully understand the difference between liberal and conservative stances on some issues.  In particular, consumer protection issues.  How is trying to force banks (and lenders in general) to say clearly, right up front and in plain English, what their terms are and what they're going to charge, anything but a good idea?  How is that partisan?  Unless you're a banker or lender intent on snookering the public into thinking they're getting a good deal when in fact you're charging them 28% interest or something like that, how could you not be in favor of such laws?  Where's the down side, unless you're a banker?  


The one thing I've learned from the financial crisis of '08 is that big business can't be trusted to do what's "right".  It's become so bad that as far as I'm concerned the burden of proof is on them to show me they're playing nice.  And to be fair there are a lot who do pass my smell test by honoring their warranties without resorting to loopholes and vague language that to a layman says one thing but legally means another, producing a clearly superior product, etc.   (Examples?....Amazon, REI, LL Bean, Zappos, to name a few.)  I consult Consumer Report regularly, and although I've never tried it, I've heard good things about Angie's List.  I just think it's a shame things have come to this.  Caveat Emptor...."buyer beware"....has never been more true.


What prompted this post was an article I read that told of one insurance company that was suing a bank for misrepresenting a financial instrument the insurance company was covering against default.  Sure enough things fell apart, the insurance company refused to pay up, and both are pointing fingers at each other saying the other side is a crook.  Hahaha....talk about the pot calling the kettle black!  I say a pox on them all.

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On a more pleasant note, tonight it's my turn to pick our date night restaurant, and I'm choosing Anamia's.  We've only been there once before, but it left a grand impression on me.  I can taste it now....yum!  If I can remember to take pictures of our meal before I dive into it I will. 

Happy Friday!

S 

Nature's sweet spot

This is the day I've been waiting for.  After enduring all those 100+ degree days, fall has finally arrived in north Texas.  The low this morning was in the upper 40's, and the high today should top out around 67.  Sweater weather for sure, but not anywhere near cold enough to get out he big LL Bean down parka.  Warm enough to get outside and do something, but not warm enough to work up a sweat doing it. 


And it's World Series time, too.  I'm not a baseball fan, but to be able to participate in the water cooler conversation the next few weeks I'm going to have to be at least semi-well versed in the World Series.  I've always been for whichever team wins the first game of the series in the hopes that they can win 4 straight and get it all over with.  I personally think it was highly inconsiderate of Major League Baseball to schedule the World Series right in the middle of football season.  They obviously didn't get my letter.


And finally, I read in the paper a quote from a long-time New York money manager (referring to the Occupy Wall Street movement) who said that "....he was disappointed that members of Congress from New York, especially Senator Charles E. Schumer and Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, had not come out swinging for an industry that donates heavily to their campaigns.  'They need to understand who their constituency is,' he said."  Duh....he might as well have just said, "They need to understand who's payroll they're on."


Happy hump day.


S

Bring it on

My dad told the story of how when I turned 12 I told people I was "twelve-teen" because I wanted to be a teenager so badly.  In that same spirit I'm calling today "autumn-eve" because I want fall to get here so badly.  (I think it officially arrives tomorrow morning at o-dark-thirty.)  Our forecast for today: high temperature of 81 degrees with a 30% chance of rain.  See....the power of positive thinking!


Last week my Gore-Tex shell jacket arrived from LL Bean, and I went ahead and ordered a few T- and mock turtle neck shirts, too.  The Old Farmers Almanac calls for north Texas to have slightly warmer but wetter weather than normal this winter.  We'll see about that.


Our big remodel job will wrap up tomorrow.  Yea!!  (The building inspectors finally did make an appearance yesterday.)  My brother beat me to the punch, reserving next week for a vacation for himself.  That's OK.  I'll take some time off right after that.  Might even drop in on the State Fair for a Fletcher's Corny Dog.  On a low-cal stick, of course.  ;)


S