Boys and their toys

No, unfortunately I didn't realize my dream of owning a vintage Austin Healey or Alfa Romeo.  In my next life maybe, but it doesn't look too promising for this one.  What I did buy, though, was a new camera.

It's still just a point-and-shoot variety, but this one has a 30X optical zoom, 'cause, you know, sometimes a guy just has to zoom in on something 30 times.  :)

For a few years now I've used a simple pocket camera that has served me admirably:

To photograph cars at a car show or similar it's been great, and I'll still use it some, but recently I've wanted a photo of something that was just a bit out of range and I was dead in the water with this one.

I learned long ago that anything with much more than an on/off button is too complex for me.  Consumer Reports and lots of user reviews said this one was easy peasy.  Sold!  And so far the camera has been.  It's setting it up to connect (via Wifi) with my computer, iPad, iPhone, etc that has been a pain. 

The instructions just assume everyone starts out with at least an Associates Degree in Computer Technology.  They really shouldn't let a techie write the how-to instructions for a consumer electronic device....they can't think simple enough.  I finally had to call in my in-house IT guru (K) and she set me up.  Sort of.

Take a picture...press x button...wait for it...it connects to my computer...do this...do that...drag it here...on and on.  Finally, about 8 steps later I was able to produce a picture I could share on my blog.  Jeez, this is gonna take all day to download all my car pics.  

*OMG, what have I done?  Can I take it back?  Where's the box?*

But then, on my iMac, I did something (unknown) and suddenly a pop-up asked, "Do you want to download your pictures directly to iPhoto?"  

ABSO-FRICKIN'-LUTELY I DO!  (Apple to the rescue! :)

Bada Bing....now it works like a champ.  God does indeed look after idiots, drunks, and now the tech challenged, too.  :)

Have a great weekend everyone.  Stay warm.

S

Wow! Nice Bling. Sorry about your penis.

I just heard that a friend of mine recently went to Northpark Mall to pick up a few things.  He parked in the lot and went inside, forgetting that he had left two Dallas Cowboys tickets on the passenger seat in plain sight. He came back a half hour later to find the side window bashed in, broken glass was everywhere, and there on the seat....were FOUR Dallas Cowboys tickets.  :)

Today's big breaking news:  The Jonas Brothers are splitting up.  I wonder if I should wear shorts or jeans today?  Oh, look....a bunny. 

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While I don't have a horse in this race....I'm not Catholic....I must say I really like their new Pope, Francis.  Here he is, one of the most powerful men in the world, yet he eschews all the trappings of royalty available to him.  He passed on the opulent living quarters previous Pope's have enjoyed, the Wizard of Oz red shoes, the fancy gold bobbles, etc.  He just seems like a genuinely nice guy, the kind of pal you'd like to have over to share a few (blessed) beers and maybe watch some college football on a Saturday afternoon.

I'm rarely if ever impressed by Bling.  Back in my airshow days when a rich pilot would fly in his million dollar P-51 or similar and we'd get him safely parked and chocked, we'd greet him and say, "Wow!  Nice plane....sorry about your penis."

One of the most interesting men I've ever known was the uncle of a friend of mine.  (This was before Dos Equis Man.)  He lived in Houston in the same house he'd lived in for 25 years, drove a 5-year-old Olds 98, and wore comfortable, well-broken-in clothes.  He would invite us down to stay in his (very modest) beach house on Galveston Island and take us all out fishing.  Later we'd have a crab boil and sit around afterwards where he could talk intelligently about any topic we'd throw at him.  We tried to trip him up, but he bested us every time.  He was just an all-around brilliant, fun, pleasant, down-to-earth guy.

We knew he was financially comfortable....he and his brother had an oil pipeline related business....but it was only when he passed away that we found out exactly how well off he was.  Turns out his financial statement had more zeros to the left of the decimal point than any of us could even fathom.

I often think, when I win the lottery....that's it.  I often think of that.  But when I do, what would I buy? A few modest things maybe, some travel, but I don't really want much more than what I have now.  I just bought some new jeans, I have every color T-shirt LL Bean offers, and I just put new synthetic oil in my car.  

I am getting a new iPhone soon, but I'm going for the black one.  The gold one is just too Blingy.  :)

S

Someone....STOP THE MADNESS!

Where will this all end?  Technology is running rampant.  I guess that isn't exactly a "stop the presses"*  news story, but things get more and more outlandish by the day.  Have you heard about this one....Galaxy Gear?

Earlier this week Samsung introduced their smart watch, in reality a computer with a 1.63" touchscreen, a camera, runs 70 different apps, and who knows what else.  Sony has one, too, and it's rumored Apple will have one out shortly also.  Shades of Dick Tracy!*

This thing wouldn't work for me.  First of all, clumsy as I am, I'd trip over the extension cord.  Second, can you imagine how tiny the keyboard is?  With my fat fingers the keyboard on an iPhone is barely manageable.  A 1.63" screen....no way!

I hadn't noticed, frankly, but according to the article I read many / most kids today don't even own a watch.  You walk up to a kid on a college campus and tap on your wrist, the universal symbol for "what time is it?", and the kid will just give you a blank stare.  Now you'll be able to tap on your wrist, and they can Google "what time is it?" for you.  I suppose that's progress.  :)

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Some watch trivia for you:  One of the Queens Elizabeth from centuries ago was once seen wearing a watch on her wrist.   Fashion conscious women mimicked her, but not men.  Men preferred to carry pocket watches on chains.

One of the early European aviation pioneers, Alberto Santos Dumont, changed all that.  Back in the early 20th Century successful aviation flights were measured in seconds or minutes.  It was difficult for an early aviator, with all hands and feet working rudders and throttles and sticks, to fly his machine and still be able to reach into a pocket and pull out a watch. 

Being the most daring, dashing man in all of Paris at the time, welcomed in all the most fashionable places, Alberto's friend Louis Cartier specially designed for him a watch that could be worn on the wrist with a leather strap, making it easier for him to record the duration of his flights and still keep his "hands on the wheel".  Before long everyone wanted one, and the wrist watch became the norm for all well-dressed men.  Until now, apparently.

If you enjoy aviation history, I suggest you read Wings of Madness: Alberto Santos Dumont and the Invention of Flight.

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Guess what day it is?  Guess...what...day...it...is?  Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike....guess what day it is?  IT'S FRIDAY!  :)

S

* Does anyone even remember what "stop the presses" means, or who Dick Tracy was?

My wife and her gadgets

My wife, the lovely and talented K, is addicted to gadgets.   

Marketing courses at business schools all across the land teach how to appeal to people with her mentality.  They're studying her like psychologists study rats in a maze.  

"What classes you taking this semester, Bill?"  

"Oh, you know, the usual....B law 314, statistics 421, management 330, and Advanced Kelly 4540."

I have periodic garage sales just to get the gadgets she "couldn't live without" out of the house to make room for the next batch of gadgets I know she'll be bringing home soon.

She has waffle makers, panini makers, tea makers, mixers, food processors, crock pots, a "Magic Bullet" blender, some kind of big fancy blender, a mandolin, multiple coffee makers that were "to die for" last week, but this week are just not cool anymore.

These garage sales often come back to bite me in the ass when she sees an advertisement for a gizmo that she once had, then I sold, and now she wants again.  She's gone full circle....she's become a serial same-gadget buyer.  

I tolerate all those kitcheny things because, honestly, I eat very well.  And besides, they're not very expensive....$40 here, $60 there....they're not breaking the bank.

Kelly's vision of Heaven

Her electronic gadgets are a whole 'nuther matter, however.  Those little electronic bastards cost a fortune!  Here are the ones she's had that I can remember:

HP laptop

HP NetBook

iMac (mine now)

MacBook

Nintendo Wii

Kindle, generation 1

Kindle, generation 2

Kindle Paperwhite

Kindle Fire

Google Nexxus

Samsung Galaxy S2

iPod Shuffle

iPod Nano

iPad, generation 1

iPad Mini

iPhone 3

iPhone 3S

iPhone 5

There are probably more, but my brain is too shell-shocked to remember them all.

Today she saw on Facebook that one of her friends accidentally washed his iPod Nano, so she said she was going to sell him her old one.  I can see what's coming next:  She bought it for $160 a month ago, now she'll sell it used for $80, and a month from now Apple will unveil a "new, improved version in 10 striking new colors", and of course she'll just have to have one for the pre-order super-sweet "better hurry 'cause they won't last long at this price" of $180. 

Publicly Apple will say the higher price is due to "raw material price increases", but among themselves they'll just giggle and call it the "Kelly premium".

I'm considering an intervention.  (Who am I kidding.  I don't have a chance in hell of pulling it off.  :)

S

What's the point?

This is pretty cool:  In the paper today was a story about a guy in Montana that makes iPad, iMac, and iPhone accessories out of wood.  It seems pine beetles had killed 10,000 trees on his family's property and he was trying to figure out what to do with the dead trees.   He came up with "Bad Beetle".

Before it rots into mush the wood is salvaged and "re-purposed" into these attractive cases and stands.

If I was into fancy cases and such I'd probably get one myself.  But here's what I don't get:  Apple, Samsung and all the rest spend billions of dollars to miniaturize their devices, right?  It's a HUGE deal when they can make a case .02 of an inch thinner.  It gives them massive bragging rights and they can charge a few bucks more....image is everything.

Then we buy these gadgets and before we leave the store buy fashion cases the size of a small paperback book.  Or worse....

I guess that's supposed to be a bar of chocolate?

Is this really an iPhone case?  For mom or the kid?

What's the point in making them a silly millimeter smaller if we're gonna wrap 'em in huge cases?  My iPhone case is just a thin sticky type of rubber, and that's only because I'm too butterfingered to hold on to the slick glass and chrome case it comes with straight out of the box.  And I'm cheap.

S

Is it just me?

I have got to be the un-luckiest person in the world.  This morning I was perusing the news and there was the tech guy from the NYT raving about Dashlane.  It's an app that can remember all your passwords (and we all know what trouble I have with that) and is pinky swear absolutely secure.  You can see it here, after the obligatory commercial, of course.

Whoa....thank you God!  It was as if the techie had said, "Listen up Scott Park....this is for YOU!"  I called for K to come see.  We both went back to our computers, her PC and my iMac, and downloaded it.  It will automatically sync everything between ALL your devices once set up.  *happy dance*

On K's PC the app came up and said, "Welcome.  We see that you have all these accounts and we have noted everything and upgraded you to 99.999% secure passwords.  You no longer have to sign in for anything, we'll do it for you automatically for as long as you shall live.  Enjoy."

On my iMac it said, "Click here to download.  Thank you."  Then......nothing.

HELLO.  Now what?  *silence*

I called K back over and asked her to take over for me as she is an excellent techie.  Nada.

Now her PC, iPhone and iPad are all synced up, while I'm still sittin' here beatin' 2 rocks together trying to make fire.  Grog sad.  

This has got to be the absolutely most user UN-friendly app EVER!  If it works on an iPhone and an iPad, why not on my  iMac?  I think there's some guy back at Techie Central who sees my name pop up and says, "Hey guys, come here.  It's him again.  You wanna screw with him some more?" *giggle*

Bastards.

S

There's hope for me yet

According to an article I read in Fortune magazine I should be a corporate CEO or top-tier engineer or scientist, or maybe a general or admiral.

Fortune quoted a study titled "A Stupidity-Based Theory of Organizations" which claims when an organization has too many smart people they tend to argue among themselves about who has the best ideas and actually get less done because they can't decide on a course of action.  

Stupidity on the other hand has a unifying effect....it boosted productivity.  People content in an atmosphere of functional stupidity came to a consensus more easily and had greater "roll-up-our-sleeves" enthusiasm to get the job done.

Well, anyone who knows me knows I live in an atmosphere of functional stupidity.  Much of it comes from me, but I have no shortage of stupid friends, too.  According to this theory I shouldn't just HAVE an iPhone, I should OWN Apple.  All of it....mine!

Uber-smart people get bored with work easily and lose interest.  Stupid people who have had to work hard all their lives to get just the simplest chore done know the value of diligence.  Imagine learning to tie your shoes:  The smart kids picked it up easily, the stupid ones invented Velcro.

And look at NASA....they spent years and millions of dollars to invent a pen that could write upside down and in zero-gravity.  The Rooskies just used a pencil.  OK, bad example.

Speaking of rocket scientists, look at the Duck Dynasty boyz:

They AREN'T.  But they ARE rich! 

So carrying this analogy through to its logical conclusion, these are without doubt the SMARTEST people in the country world universe:

We need you Alfred E. Neuman!  ;)

S

North Korean Generals are like raccoons....

....they like to collect shiny objects.  "Sorry guys.  We can't give you any food, but how 'bout a few medals?"  

Some of those medals look suspiciously like coke bottle caps that have been beaten flat.  Did you ever do that as a kid?  I wonder if they have their bicycles with baseball cards clicking the spokes just off camera?

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A few weeks ago I decided to give up foods and drinks containing the artificial sweetener aspartame.  I had read that one of its side effects was joint soreness and my knees were killing me.  I put away my beloved Coke Zero's and I feel much better today.  I did take an anti-inflammatory for a couple of days so that might have had some effect, but basically I think I just OD'd on aspartame.  Next....yoga?

Maybe not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Has anyone heard any gossip about the next iPhone?  I'm eligible for an upgrade and I'd really prefer to stick with another Apple vs a Samsung, but IMO the one thing Samsung has over Apple is their much larger screen.  I just read that worldwide this past quarter Samsung outsold Apple 70% to 21%, leaving 9% for everyone else.

I'm hoping Apple still has some of Steve Job's passion left in them and will get out a worthy competitor with a comparable screen size to Samsung's.  As it is now they're getting creamed.  If the next iPhone doesn't have a bigger screen, am I going to have to wait another full year for them to get their act together?

That's all from me today.  If it's snowing where you are, stay warm.  If it's pretty out, enjoy.  ;)

S

"Mr. Watson, come here."

These were reportedly the first words Alexander Graham Bell spoke into his new invention, the "tele-phone", back on March 10, 1876.  As I've read that Mr. Bell was quite a player back in his day, I'm guessing when Watson showed up he said, "Check this out, bro.  I took it with me to The Watering Hole last night....chick magnet! "

In 1966 I was in the AT&T pavilion at Disney Land where the demonstrator lady held up "the phone of the future" and asked, "see anything unusual about it?"  It had NO WIRES!  Whoa!

Fast forward to April 3, 1973.  One Mr. Marty Cooper, a techie at Motorola, called his buddy Joel Engle, another techie working for AT&T, and said, "Suck it Engle.  I'm calling from the world's first completely portable mobile phone.  It's gonna be a real chick magnet.  I win."

And that's where it all began.

As I recall the first dilemma was whether to get a bag phone with more power and better range....

....or a less powerful but much cooler looking brick phone.

I remember my friend Jim Williams had a very early mobile phone installed in his truck.  It had a box the size of a computer tower (remember computer towers?) behind the seat, an antennae on top of the cab, and a handset....with a cord.  He was considered a complete nerd in his day.  And a rich nerd because it cost over 2 Grand.

I was a late bloomer.  I didn't get my first cell phone until the early 90's as best I can remember.  It looked something like this:

I remember I had it about a week before I ever talked on it because I was afraid of going over my minutes.  I would pull it out and show friends, flip it open and show off the lighted keypad, then very carefully replace it in it's belt-mounted case.  Smokin' hot!

I especially liked it when my wife called me when I was at the grocery store and told me to get such-and-such while I was there.  This was significant because she once called the office at Tom Thumb (the grocery store) and asked them to get word to me to pick up something she remembered she needed.  

They fired up their PA system and announced, "Customer Scott Park....customer Scott Park....your wife wants you to get some butter and some cream cheese, too."  (True story!)  I couldn't find a hole deep enough to crawl into and hide.

Here it is today 40 years (this week) after Marty called his buddy and razzed him, and now there are six billion cell phones in the world.  I was wondering how that could be as there are only six billion people in the world, but then I saw this....

and this....

....so I guess it's possible.

Then came the smart phone duel between Steve Jobs and Kimchee Samsung*.  I have an ancient iPhone4, while K has a Samsung Galaxy #?.  She says hers is better, but I'm used to Apple and afraid of change.  The new Samsung is out now and Apple's next new version is expected to be out as soon as June.  And I'm due an upgrade.  Decisions, decisions.

See what you've done Marty?

S

*Not his real first name, but it was the only other Korean word I knew.

Something else that really chaps my hide

Yesterday I experienced something that really chapped my hide.  Ironically, the source of my aggravation was.....ME.  

The scene:  I was on my way to work and had just exited the freeway.  I was sitting at a red light when I grabbed for my cell phone and couldn't find it.  My phone is usually in a case on my belt, but it wasn't there.  Or on the seat beside me.  Or on my car's console.  That could only mean one thing:

*scary music*

I left my phone at home.  

Ooooooh noooooo!

I felt absolutely lost.  It would be like a cop going to work without his gun, or a banker going to work without his mask.

It never really dawned on me how dependent I am on my cell phone.  It's my ONLY phone. Like about half the population I gave up my land line years ago, relying just on my cell.   I make personal calls, business calls, read and send emails....I even use it as a flashlight.  

It gets worse....I have an extensive directory of several hundred names on my phone, both personal friends and business associates, and without that directory my phone is little more than a shiny, sleek rock.  I couldn't call K, my bro, Cellphone Users Anonymous, or anyone.  I didn't know their phone numbers.  I was thinking of calling 911 just to talk to someone.

Finally my bro came out to our jobsite where he found me pacing aimlessly.  He went back and brought me our old office flip phone, but again, without email or my directory of contacts, it was of little use. 

It was one miserable day.  :(

S

Suddenly I feel like a techie!

I never thought of myself as being too technologically savvy.  Far from it.  I proudly wear the label "Neanderthal".  Then I read about Larry Rogers and his wife Joan in the local newspaper.  We'll just conveniently skip over the fact that they're 86 and 84 years old respectively.  


To quote Larry, he doesn't have a "computer, cell phone, iPhone, uPhone, myPod, yourPod, hisPad, herPad, answering machine,VCR, cable TV," etc.  He still uses a rotary dial telephone, a manual typewriter, and watches TV on a boxy 19-inch model.  He did have to break down recently and buy a digital converter box so he could keep his antique Magnavox TV up and running.  He's never used an ATM machine.  When he buys something and the clerk expects him to swipe his credit card, he just hands it to them instead and says, "Here, you do it."  He said "I tried a time or two, but after twisting that credit card around every which way, putting the stripe on this side and that, I just started saying 'you do it'".


He drives a 1992 Ford Crown Victoria.  It has a cassette player and cruise control, neither of which he has ever used.  He says he doesn't own a tape, and "the idea of sticking the gas pedal open just sounds nuts.  Why, I wouldn't feel in control."  And Joan doesn't even own an electric clothes dryer.  "I get out there in the sun and hang clothes on the line.  It's good exercise."


Understand, these aren't poor people, and they're certainly not dumb.  Larry, a veterinarian, retired 30 years ago thanks to his smart investments, and since then they've traveled all over the world.  (By airplane?)  He still manages his portfolio with spiral bound ledgers and a hand held calculator.  He did, however, recently buy a new calculator after his decades-old TI model finally died.  (Whoa.....slow down there, Larry!)


So you see, next to Larry and Joan I feel like an absolute techie.  I have an iPhone with lots of apps, several of which I can actually use.  I have a Kindle and a computer and I know how to blog.  I have a digital camera and, yes, even an electrical clothes drying machine.  


No, I'm not making fun of the Rogers'.  Deep down I actually envy them.  Imagine being happy with what you have and where you live and what you drive.  Do all these modern whiz-bang tools we have today really make our lives easier and less complicated?  I think I know how Larry and Joan would answer that.  I'd be willing to meet them half way.  ;)


S

Playing "air timpani" with Enya

As my idol Alfred E. Neuman once said, "Why be normal?"


I learned long ago I wasn't coordinated enough to play "air guitar", but I can tear a timpani up!  (It's a kettle drum)  Tonight I was sitting around listening to my iPhone/Pod (Aaron Neville, Bonnie Raitt, Ray Charles, Carla Bruni, Norah Jones, Pink Floyd) and I re-discovered my Enya collection.  She's an awesome Irish female singer/songwriter, really big in Europe.  I wish she'd tour here as I would go out of my way to see her.  And if her timpani player should suddenly take ill, I'm ready!


We got a bit of a break on the heat today....until about 4 pm.  It was cloudy all day until then, and we even got sprinkled on.  Nice!  But late in the day the sun broke through and the temperature shot back up into "Oh Shit!" territory.  We officially topped out at 102 for the 25th straight day of 100 degrees or more.   :(


My favorite OCD client notified us today he was going to be out of town on business until August 8th.  Actually things will soon be much better from my standpoint as my part of his home (structural) is about finished, and now my brother will soon be taking the lead with color selections and the detail stuff.


Hope you have things going your way, too.


S

Hell is frozen...pigs are flying...

...and one of the world's preeminent technological Neanderthals (that would be ME) now has an iPhone.  Unlikely as all those might be, I know for a fact the last one is true, so I'm sure scientists will soon be holding a press conference to announce the first two also.


My anniversary with Verizon finally arrived which entitled me to a subsidized iPhone.  Actually I tried a couple of months ago but found that my brother had "appropriated" my upgrade, so I had to wait for his upgrade to come due.  (Patience sucks!)


My new gadget is actually pretty intuitive.  I think Mr. Gates could learn a few things from Mr. Jobs.  Although I know I'll never learn (or use) all the capabilities of an iPhone, I know enough right now to make it a viable business tool.  And if I were into electronic games I could make this thing smoke.  Wow!  The apps available are unbelievable!  


Oh....but you already knew all that.  I guess Mr. Neanderthal is just easily amused.  This, however, does NOT amuse me:

S

Kinda bummed.....

I decided yesterday that I would upgrade my cell phone to an iPhone, so this morning I was up and out and knocking on Verizon's door shortly after they opened. This was all prompted when my brother (and business partner) got an iPhone a week or so ago. So I asked a couple of questions about the data plan, etc, and said "Deal, wrap it up". Then the Verizon rep told me it would be $600.

*choke...cough...gag*

HOW MUCH?? What happened to $199? It seems that's good only if you're opening a new account or if you're an existing customer and are eligible for an upgrade. As I've had my current phone for 3 or 4 years, I was sure an upgrade was in order.

Ummm....no....it seems when my bro got his iPhone last week he used my upgrade. His upgrade won't be available until mid-July. (We have one of those blended business plans where we have all our phones on one account.)

Oh, bro will hear about this on Monday, I promise! Actually it might be a blessing in disguise, as it will give me time to mull over whether or not I really need an iPhone. I said need, not want. Still, I'm mildly disappointed. :(

S

Note: The model shown is NOT me. I'm not nearly that good looking. ;)