Friday, August 3, 2012

"Lowandslow, Olympian"....I like it!



While watching the Olympic rowing replay last night I had an epiphany:  I think I've finally found a way to realize my lifelong dream of becoming an Olympic athlete.  I wanna be the guy who sits in the back of the row boat and yells "faster, you swine!"  


He's called the coxswain, and according to the dictionary he is "the person in charge of a boat, particularly its navigation and steering."  I think I could handle that.  I mean, let's face it, these aren't exactly ocean-going vessels.  They go in a straight line down a river for a couple of miles.  I'm pretty sure I could learn the route.


I think I would be a perfect fit, too.  First, I could balance the boat....eight superbly fit athletes on one end of the boat, and me with my fat ass portly posterior on the other....sounds about right.  Plus, the job doesn't seem to require a great deal of exertion.  Sounds like a supervisory position.  Me to a tee!  (And I already have my own clipboard!)


Before I saw this I was thinking of becoming an Olympic skeet shooter.  Then I heard the winner hit 99 out of 100 birds.  On a good day I'm good for maybe 60 out of 100.  I'm afraid everyone would make fun of me and call me the "Jamaican bobsled team of shooting".  I'm probably too sensitive for that.  *snif*


Yep....Olympic rowing coxswain it is.  Seems like a pretty sweet gig.  I think I'll apply.  I wonder if there's a waiting list?


GO USA!


S



7 comments:

  1. As long as you don't stutter your qualified but you have to wait until 2016.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You probably need to be fairly skinny so you can fit in the boat and not add too much weight. So better get dieting for 2016.

    What I was wondering is for the equestrian events do they give a gold medal to the horse? I mean the horse is doing most of the actual work; the human just pulls on the reins and hits the animal with a stick.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wondered the same thing PT. the down side to that job is probably cleaning out the stall every day.

    Joe...I'm good to go then. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your post reminds me of the only sports award I ever received. It was in the second grade, a relay race called the balloon pop. I was surprised to be chosen as the anchor for one of the teams. When the race ended the last person had to sit on a chair and pop a balloon. This turned out to be the hardest part of the race. I'd been chosen, not because of speed, but because I was the fattest kid around. We won the blue ribbon. Our teacher pinned it on the bulletin board but said I could have it at the end of the year. Unfortunately. someone stole it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Now if only there were Olympic chocolate eating!

    ReplyDelete