I wonder if it's some kind of omen when you go to the bathroom in the morning and when it's time to reach for the toilet paper, you can't find the end of the paper? You spin it and spin it and spin it and the end piece of paper never flaps free so you can carefully pull off an appropriate length. So you spin and spin and spin it the other direction, and still no apparent end piece of paper. Shouldn't this qualify as a justifiable reason to just go back to bed? Well, except that you still, somehow, have to find that damn end piece.
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Then there's the current family turmoil centered around grape juice. Seems yesterday K was cleaning out the refrigerator and way in the back she found a half-full plastic jug of Welch's Grape Juice. She was going to throw it out but I leaped to the defense of the poor defenseless GJ and forbade it. "I'm sure there are thirsty kids somewhere in the world who would love this, and since we can't actually ship it to them, I'll drink it in their honor." (When I was a kid those other kids were always in China, but I hear they're doing better these days.)
Now I'm having to drink this nasty stuff. It's so old I think it's turned into wine. Really bad wine. Is that even possible?
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I have an old football injury that really began giving me fits yesterday. It dates from last year when, on several occasions, I sat in my chair and watched football on TV so long my left butt cheek went to sleep. That somehow irritated the nerve in that region and pinched it. It hurt so bad it was difficult to sit, and get up, and walk, and climbing stairs was just excruciating. Combining the opening weekend of college football this year with a 3-day holiday has wreaked havoc on me....again. TMF....oh, but I love it so!
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All right K. If you read this, you win. I'm tossing the grape juice. It's really nasty. I need to go scrape my tongue. YUCK!
S
LOL - my dad is in charge of eating & drinking all mystery items in the fridge. If HE won't consume it then it goes to the dogs. (Does Luke like fermented grape juice?)
ReplyDeleteIn your TP situation I would just give up & run a fingernail across it & CREATE an end.
I fell & broke my tail bone a few years ago - & even now if I sit too long it bothers me. You know that the universe is trying to tell us something, but I wonder what it is? Should we just be horizontal more often? I can't imagine what ELSE we could do...
YESSSSS!!! I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your butt (aka football injury)
Kelly
I've always wondered if old grape juice would turn into wine. They say that's what happens to Twinkies if you leave them to sit around for like 10 years.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the good thing about living alone is I rarely have any mystery items in my fridge. Though recently I had some applesauce left over and when I opened the jar it had turned black and moldy in spots. Yummy!
A fun post. Mrs. C. buys toilet paper in bulk from Costco and not only is it difficult to find the end of the roll, but each roll is individually wrapped so you have to rip through cellophane before you can even try to pry loose that first square of TP. Somehow this always falls upon me to do. Oh, how I suffer....
ReplyDeleteHahaha...and I thought I was the only one with TP issues! I think you should compile a list and send it to all manufacturers. My pet peeve is about the extra soft and cushy toilet paper, which makes the roll larger than what really fits into the space on the holder. Once you manage to squeeze the roll in there, you can't roll off the paper, because the fit it too tight. Uggghhh.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine the voice mail left on the supervisor's phone: Can't come into work today due to toilet paper problems.
Oh, wait...you don't have a supervisor.
In my case, the starving children were in Korea. One time, when My Mom told me that those starving children would love to have what I was not eating, I told her, "Well, then wrap this stuff up in a box and send it to them."
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to report that My Mom laughed, and she still tells that story. This is why I am so delightfully warped. Thanks, Mom!