Friday, February 14, 2014

Acceptable Valentine's gifts

Today's the day, guys.  Before the sun sets you'll be either a hero or a goat.  Play your cards right, bring her an appropriate gift, and your future could be filled with fireworks.  Mess it up and you're on the couch with a bag of Cheetos as your only companion.

The deciding difference is "THE GIFT".  Obviously flowers, candy, a fragrance, jewelry, a Hallmark card (but only Hallmark....any other will get you labeled a cheap slug), and / or a nice meal at an upscale restaurant should suffice.  

Every guy who can fog a mirror should know by now that household appliances (think vacuum cleaners or toasters) are a sure way to have your dinner handed to you for the foreseeable future in a little bag by a high-school kid at a drive-thru window.  Fuggetaboutit.

What about the thousands of other potential gifts you could choose from?  My lady, for example, would be quite happy if I took her on a shopping spree at a bookstore.  Or pushed the grocery cart for her as she perused the aisles at Central Market where they stock all those crappy "healthy" foods women seem so enamored with.  OK, a little off-beat maybe, but still has the potential to get me a spot on the king size mattress.  Just remember it's a very fine line between "hero" and "goat".

Tickets to a play or musical should be safe, but personally, I'd rather take my chances with the couch.  *Oh, the horror!*

Sporting goods?  Absolutely NOT!  While some women might like the idea, many would read something into it that never crossed your mind, like "So you think I'm fat, huh?  You think I need to work out?"  Ouch!  Don't chance it.

A vacation trip might be well received, but you've got to think it through very carefully.  Nothing near a fish-filled river, a sports stadium, a race track, or any locale that has a tasting room attached to a distillery.  The only acceptable destination involves a chase lounge on a beach or the top deck of a big-assed boat. 

There are probably a few other gifts that might impress her, but I suggest you just put that "I'll be different this year" idea back in the can (and that includes personalized headgear after I crashed and burned yesterday) and ante up some flowers / chocolate, etc.  

As I've learned many times before I got old and wise:  "Man cannot live by Cheetos alone."

Happy Valentine's everyone!  :)



  1. Scott. super post. After being married for 40 plus years, I packed her a lunch, with some cake, and sent her off to work. How about that. Now I'll do the washing up.

    Happy Valentine's Day.

  2. Good advise from someone who has obviously been around the block and on the couch more than a few times.

  3. Oh, boy. Just realized I didn't buy anything for my husband!!


  4. This makes me giggle.. I have to say though- Marcel has always been a jewelry guy- which I adore, but I finally had to tell him 'no more jewelry' since I have more than I'll ever wear. Granted, it doesn't mean there won't be that 'must have' item that I see one of these days.

    It literally pained him to give me a new hand mixer for Christmas.. LOL I could see the pain on his face when I asked for it. We had decided on something small since we had bought a smart tv a few weeks prior.. but I insisted and I love it :)

    I hope you earned your place on the bed tonight- and if not- don't get the cheese from the Cheetos on the couch- otherwise that's a whole new level of trouble :|)

  5. I can't talk right now. I'm busy stuffing chocolate in my mouth.

  6. I got flowers & some cookies - we don't really do Valentines gifts around here. And actually I would have been really pleased to get some cheetos - yum!

  7. I gave SWMBO a card and brought her a lollipop some cute gal at the bank drive-thru lane gave me. She made me a splendid pork tenderloin dinner. I don't know where the justice lies in that but I'm happy. And stuffed.