Monday, April 22, 2013

Take two of these and call me tomorrow

If I ever get sick, I mean seriously ill, I'm probably a goner.  Checked out.  Movin' on.  

This morning I saw a commercial on TV for Cancer Treatment Centers of America.  The guy (a patient) asked, "Do you know all about the type cancer you have?  Have you read everything you can about it?  Have you asked your doctor every possible question you can think of?"

On the rare occasion I go to the doctor K asks me when I get home, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said to take these."

"What are they?"

"Little white pills."

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sick."

"Well duh!  What specifically is wrong?"

"I dunno, but these little white pills will fix it."

K says I should always ask the doctor if he's color blind.  She says if he is, and he gets the color of my pills wrong, I'm screwed.

Medical stuff just bores me to tears.  I'm a very good 'delegator'.  I don't need to know everything about "X" as long as the person I delegate to knows all about it.  That's why they are doctors and I'm not.  They like that stuff.  I don't.

"What have I got, Doc?"


"Gimme the Reader's Digest version."

"Do this, don't do that, take these, pay that."


Why do we always have to complicate things?

(And if that doesn't work, I've asked K to make sure I have The Mother of All Wake's, and you're all invited. ;)



  1. Me too! That's why Mrs. C always goes with me.

  2. A wake? I thought you were Scottish. Or do they have wakes too? Anyway, I think men in general are terrible about going to the doctor. I rarely want to go unless it's a last resort and then usually they tell me it's just in my head or lose some weight, so really it just proves the point that I shouldn't have bothered with it in the first place.

    As for the Cancer Treatment Center I think it was on Yahoo or something where there was an article about how they pad their success stats by taking easy cases and turning away more hopeless ones.

  3. K says I should always ask the doctor if he's color blind. She says if he is, and he gets the color of my pills wrong, I'm screwed.

    Neatly put. And you should read the ‘liver pills’ chapter from the book Three Men in a Boat; an absolute classic about self-diagnosis. Written in the 19th century and still holds true.

    As to ‘wake’, it’s an English word, and is (or at least was) used generally across the British Isles. It simply means a festival or fête, and is also used for certain holidays, especially in the north of England; the term ‘Wakes week’ is still commonly used for a general holiday in a district when the factories all close down at the same time for the same period.
    The Irish Gaelic word is faire, though ‘wake’ is more commonly used, especially by Irish-Americans.

  4. Thanks for the invitation although your wake had better not be a BYOB event.

  5. A party??? Yes, of course I'll come!

    Don't listen to Simon and read just one chapter of Three Men in a need to read the entire book. I believe that was the first book that ever made me laugh so hard that I had tears rolling down my face and spasms of my entire body. After that, nothing will ail you.

    1. Of it's good enough for you and Simon, it's good enough for me. I'll visit the library this week. :)

  6. I agree completely. It's the same reason I prefer to eat out. I'm not a professional chef, why on earth would I choose to cook.

  7. Stephen rest assured alcohol and snacks will be provided. The good stuff too ;)

    I know Scott was being funny (and he is a funny guy) but you really have to take charge of your health and know what your doctor is prescribing.

    I mean really - you guys will grill a mechanic 8 ways to Sunday about every little thing they are doing to your precious ride - and you aren't a mechanic are you?

    But to question your doctor .... whoa hoe that's too hard or off limits?

    It's like this - the more prescribed pills you take the more chance you have on a new pill either counteracting against another one and throwing off side effects or making one or more of them ineffective...

    I'm not saying lose weight, I am not saying give up whatever makes you happy. I am not even saying don't trust your dr....I am saying that man or woman is human and makes mistakes.

    Hey ya got me on half a cup of coffee - this is what you get jack.

  8. I'm pretty much with you, but I take it a step further. I just don't go to see the doctor AT ALL unless my arm is falling off or something.

  9. Ironically I have to be forced to go to the DR also...maybe because it's a road trip to the VA....maybe because that whole place reminds me of the cancer I had...